


breathe these city lights

by differentsnowflake



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Alex Mercer-centric (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex plays the flute, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Orchestra, And a little bit of angst, Fluff, M/M, Pining, Rated T because I let them swear, Slow Burn, a lot of fluff, and Willie plays the cello, fight me on this, i'm going to fill this tag by myself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:27:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 27,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28495320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/differentsnowflake/pseuds/differentsnowflake
Summary: There's always been something about music for Alex. He's been playing the flute since he can remember, and he knows he's good at it. It's just that- he's getting tired of it. He just wants to play drums and to get rid of all the expectations.But then the orchestra conductor asks him to play a concert with Willie from all people, musical prodigy and first chair cellist, and he's so damn scared.It turns out Willie is everything that was missing from his life, though.Or, the Orchestra AU no one asked for but me.
Relationships: Alex Mercer/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Comments: 80
Kudos: 176
Collections: Willex Stories! (JATP)





	1. let the beat control you

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with another cheesy, fluffy Willex AU don't mind me.
> 
> Title from 'Tonight', by With Confidece.

**I.**

There's always been _something_ about music.

He doesn't know what it is. He's never been able to describe it, and that's why when someone asks him about it he just smiles and tells them he enjoys it. But there's _something_ else about it. About the small second that grows while the conductor raises his hands, expectation running angrily through his veins. And then the second bursts, followed by an avalanche of sounds and emotions that make him drown in the best way possible.

There's something about the way his fingers always tremble a little before they start to play a song. About the way his breath always shudders before bringing the instrument to his mouth. About the way his nervousness always disappears magically only when the song's started. About the way his excitement grows along with the song and by the time the piece ends there's this _peace_ he hasn't been able to achieve doing anything else.

About the satisfaction that comes with finally getting a passage right, with nailing a note or a song or achieving a level of technique he never thought he'd get to achieve.

So yeah, he loves music, and if he didn't love all of those things about it, he probably would've stopped playing the flute a long time ago.

Lately, though, he's been having a hard time remembering all those things. It's just- he loves it, he _knows_ he loves it, but it's getting boring. And stressful. So damn stressful.

It's like every single little thing becomes something that's expected of him, and he's getting sick of expectations. He's expected to become first chair even if there's people in the orchestra that are so much more talented than him. He's expected to study for hours and keep his good grades at school at the same time, and he's expected to just- be perfect. But he's not, and he's getting tired of pretending, of hiding between a cold, torn mask that's slowly falling apart.

That's why he starts playing drums.

Because there's no expectations when he plays them, he can just do it for fun. He can take his time and don't practice if he doesn't feel like practicing. He can play whatever song he wants and there's no one telling him that he's doing it wrong. He's never experienced this level of _freedom_ while playing the flute, and suddenly he remembers why he loves music so much. It's all about the beats and the rhythm and the way his body moves and sweats and he loves it. He's not really good at it at the beginning but there's something magical about YouTube and the experience that comes from years of doing music, and it doesn't take him that long to learn.

That's when Luke has the idea to form a band. Alex's not really sure at first, but Luke and Reggie really insist, and if he has to be honest, he likes the idea of having an excuse to play Luke's old drum set, so he says yes. Julie needs a little more convincing, but at the end, they all agree to it and Alex starts having actual fun with music again.

He doesn't hate the flute; he's never hated it and it's such an important part of his life that he's never going to hate it. It's just not that fun anymore.

The bad thing is that he just can't stop. He's kind of built his life around the flute, around his private classes and the juvenile orchestra and classical music, and he's never really handled change well, so he's scared of stopping. He doesn't want to stop completely, either, he's just- not sure that he wants to be a flutist anymore.

He wants to do music, he's so sure of that it _hurts,_ but maybe in a different way.

When his flute coach yells at him because apparently, it's obvious that he's been struggling lately, he admits to her that he's not as passionate about flute as he's supposed to be. She frowns at him and laughs a little.

"Honey," she tells him. "You're one of the most talented kids I've ever met. I know it can be stressful some times, but you just have to keep going. Be strong."

So Alex shuts up about it. Maybe he is being dramatic. He's always let his emotions drive him in a strong, almost dangerous way, after all. And yeah, he doesn't want to throw away everything he's accomplished with the flute. It's the only thing he's really proud of.

He first learned when he was six years old. It was his mom's idea, of course, because she used to play when she was younger and because she likes telling people what to do while wearing a big smile. His dad likes it too, because it gave him something to brag about, especially since they realized that Alex was good. Really good. So his life kind of spins around the flute, around practicing and concerts and private lessons and everything that he's supposed to _enjoy_.

He thinks he'd have more fun with it all if he'd be able to do it just for fun, just like Reggie and Luke do. Luke's really passionate about music too, but orchestra's never been his priority. He plays the trumpet and he's great at it, but when rehearsals are over, he puts his instrument away and goes play the guitar and write songs. No expectations. Reggie's also a great musician, and he's crazy good at the double bass, but just like with Luke, his whole life hasn't been built around it. There are no strict practice hours or tests or pressure. So much damn pressure.

He's been eyeing the percussions section of the orchestra a lot lately. It's just three guys, and they take turns rotating around the timps and the cymbals and sometimes the drum set and they seem to have so much _fun_. The conductor usually lets them play whatever they want, he just tells them to follow their instincts and Alex really wishes he could do that. To just let go. But, just like his coach said, he has to be strong and keep on doing what he's supposed to do.

One day, because he's just finished a long rehearsal and because he's sick of playing the same section of the song again and again and again and they still can't seem to get it right, courage starts boiling in his chest. So he walks towards the conductor, ignoring the anxiety scratching wildly at the back of his head, and asks him if maybe, just maybe, he could do percussions too.

Caleb Covington is a well-known violinist, turned conductor of the Los Angeles Youth Orchestra. And he's really damn scary, but he's great at his job and he's taught Alex a lot of stuff. So when he approaches him, his thoughts whirling angrily and his hands fidgeting, he's trying to convince himself that it can't be that bad.

But the director just stares at him the whole time, his arms crossed and a not-so-subtle frown on his face.

"Alexander," he says in a soft whisper. He sounds condescending, bored and a little annoyed, and Alex wishes he'd never said anything in the first place. "First of all, you know that's not how this works. You'd have to audition to be a part of the percussions section, and for that you need at least two years of private lessons. Do you even know how to play the drums?"

Caleb ends his question with a little chuckle, and that kind of angers him a little, because of course he knows. But yeah, he's aware of all the requirements, but he'd thought they could work something out, given the fact that he's already a part of the orchestra.

But no words seem to come out of his mouth, and his heart is pounding against his chest, its sound enveloping him, making him unable to think about anything else, so he stays quiet. He's always been good at staying quiet.

The conductor nods a little and pats his shoulder. "That's what I thought. Curiosity and diversity are great in music, Mr. Mercer, but sometimes is best to stick with what we know. I'll see you next week." And then he walks off, and Alex sighs and walks over to his chair.

Luke and Reggie are standing beside it, looking at him. They were the ones to encourage him to talk to Caleb about this, and they can probably assume the outcome by the look in his face, and they shrug and say stuff like 'it's not a big deal, you still can play drums with the band' and stuff, and Alex is thankful for that, he really is, but he's kind of sad too, se he lets the rest of the orchestra say goodbye and he watches everyone leave the practice room.

When it's finally empty, he sits behind the drum set, thankful that one of the percussion guys left his drumsticks sitting on top of the snare, and if someone found out they'd probably kill him, but he's got time and not much to lose, so he puts his earphones on and lets an old rock song vibrate through his ears, moving his head along to the rhythm.

 _Of course I know how to fucking play,_ he thinks as the beat speeds up, as he starts playing as hard as he can, gripping the drumsticks way too tightly. He plays two or three songs before he decides he needs a little break, so he pauses the music and looks up, pushing his hair away from his eyes.

There's a guy standing on one corner of the practice room, looking at him with a smile. Alex wasn't expecting to see him there, and his body jumps a little, fear assaulting him. He drops the drumsticks accidentally and they clatter loudly against the floor.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." The guy raises his hands with a small grin, walking towards him. He grabs one of the drumsticks and hands it to him. Alex opens his mouth, and again, he has no idea what to say, so he swallows down his fear as best as he can and mutters a 'thank you'.

It's not even _some_ guy. It's William Covington. And, yeah, Alex's known him for a long while now, but they've never really talked, because William's Caleb adoptive son and he's cool and the principal cello and he's crazy talented, and Alex's just a shy flutist who never really speaks to anyone he's not friends with. To be honest, William's always kind of scared him a little.

But he doesn't look _scary_ right now, with his long hair and tie-dye shirt and his torn jeans and worn sneakers. His smile is warm and not judgmental at all.

"I didn't know you played the drums," William tells him, raising an eyebrow in his direction. "What else are you hiding, Alex?"

Alex's really panicking, but he's scared to sound stupid in front of William, so he tries to shrug smugly. He's sure it doesn't work.

"Just something I've been learning," he answers. "I'm sure I suck, though, I've never taken a class in my life."

William smiles again. "Really? 'Cause that sounded awesome, dude. Where did you learn to play anyway?"

"At Luke Patterson's basement," he admits. "He has a drum set he lets me borrow."

"That's so cool. You're changing sections or something?"

Alex holds back his laugh.

"Nah. I mean- I've been thinking about it," there's no way Alex is going to admit that he just asked if he could try to change sections and that the conductor -William's _dad_ \- told him no. "But I'm- well, I'm just focusing on the flute."

William nods. "I get you. But you're really good, man, maybe you should try to play a little more. You were slaying."

Alex feels himself flushing, so he stands up and grabs his instrument and he walks towards the door as fast as he can. William follows him, his cello hanging at his back, closing the door of the practice room behind him.

"Thanks," he says, because honestly, that's really good to hear. Luke, Reggie, Julie, Flynn and even Carrie have told him that he's good, especially for someone who's learned all by himself, but hearing it from someone like _William_ makes it all seem kind of true.

William nudges him with his shoulder.

"Gotta go now. Bye, Alex."

"Bye, William."

William frowns and looks at him with an eyebrow raised.

"Dude," he laughs. "No one calls me William but Caleb. You can call me Willie."

"Oh," Alex mutters. "Sorry. Right. Bye, Willie."

Willie nods, satisfied. "That's better. See you around."

Then Willie leaves with another grin, sprinting towards the exit, his cello bouncing against his back. Alex can't help but stare at him until he disappears from his sight.

**II.**

When he gets home from band practice, it's late and he's tired and he's got a lot of homework to do, but his mom is sitting on the dinner table, staring at him with an eyebrow raised.

"Where were you?" She asks in a cold, firm tone of voice, and Alex's stomach shrinks a little.

"Um, you know. At Luke's."

She hums, but her expression is judgmental and Alex hates feeling like he's letting her down. "You've been spending a lot of time at Luke's house lately."

"I know mom, but we have a band and we have to practice," he's told her that before, he's been telling her that for at least three weeks now. His mom rolls her eyes.

"Okay, whatever. I just don't want you to spend all of your time with that band. You have to study, Alex, college's applications are coming up and if you want to get into a good program-"

"I have to give everything I've got and more, mom, I know."

She smiles, stands up and rests her palm against his cheek.

"That's my boy."

College applications really scare him, they give him so much anxiety that only thinking about them makes his breathing hitch.

He ends up falling asleep with his earphones on, trying to listen to songs and figure out a way to play them in drums. The next morning, he totally sucks at his lesson with his flute coach, and even if she's mostly chill and patient, Helen seems to be having a bad day too because she yells at him. There's just- so much anxiety and stress running through his veins that he feels like he's about to _explode_ , so that night he sneaks out, praying that his parents or sister won't hear him, and he walks to Luke's house.

Luke opens the door with a confused expression, and Alex asks him if he can use his drum set. Luke's parents aren't home and he tells Alex he doesn't really have a lot to do, so they end up having a little jamming session.

Luke shows him one of the songs he always seems to be writing, and Alex likes it and they come up with the lyrics together. By the time they feel like the song's ready, Alex's covered in sweat and his legs and arms hurt. The skin of his fingers has started to harden around the place where he grabs the drum sticks, and he likes it.

"That was awesome!" Luke's voice is full of emotion and excitement. He leaves his guitar on the floor and lies down on his couch. "You're great at this, dude."

Alex smiles a little. "I'm sorry I came without telling you. I just really needed to play."

Luke waves him off. "You can come whenever you can, you know that. You can even take the drum set if you want to. It's not like I use it."

"I don't think my parents would want me to have a drum set in the house," Alex says, rolling his eyes a little. "Too much noise or something like that."

Luke lets out a sigh, his stare glued to the floor, just like he always does when he's thinking. "I've been talking to Julie," he says. "Maybe we could make her mom's studio into our studio."

Alex frowns. "Do you think she's ready for that?"

It's only been a couple of months since Julie's mom died, and it's been really hard on her. Julie goes to the orchestra whenever they need a pianist, but she's really cool and everyone likes her. It wasn't until her mom died that they became close, though.

Luke nods. "Yeah, she says she's sure. It'll be cool, I've always wanted to have my own music studio."

"And I could go play the drums whenever I want?"

"Yeah, that's the idea. Julie's dad is really cool, she says he won't mind."

That Thursday, after orchestra, Luke's supposed to go home as fast as he can and then Alex will catch up to him in his dad's car to take his drum set to Julie's after he has a talk with the conductor. He doesn't know why Caleb wants to talk to him in private, and it scares him a little. He's been in the orchestra for years now, and he can't remember the last time Caleb asked to talk to him in private.

The rehearsal is actually fun, though, especially because the concert season is about to start and they're going through their whole repertoire to decide which songs they're going to play. His stand partner, Shelby, is in a good mood and she makes a lot of jokes and Alex has to bite the inside of his cheek to not burst out laughing. By the time the rehearsal's over he's almost forgotten he's suposed to have a conversation with Caleb.

But then Reggie, Julie, Luke and Flynn all leave in Reggie's van to start setting up the studio, and Alex stays in the practice room, leaning against the wall and trying not to overthink. Everyone leaves but Caleb and Willie. Willie stays siting, tapping something in his phone while Caleb goes through his sheet music without looking up.

"Mr. Mercer," he says suddenly, his cold voice leaving a little smile. "Thanks for staying."

Alex nods. "Of course."

"Have you ever heard the Trio in G minor for flute, cello and piano that Weber wrote?" Caleb shoots him a daring look.

Alex feels his heart stop. He's never heard it, no, and maybe he should have, maybe this is a trick question and it's a concert that doesn't exist, maybe he's supposed to not know it-

"Mr. Mercer?" The conductor repeats, a little hessitant. Alex turns to look at Willie, who's just wearing his ever-present smile, one of his hands rubbing his arm.

"Um, no, sir, I haven't."

Caleb hums. "William, hand him the music sheets."

Willie stands up and gives him a bunch of sheets. Alex eyes them, encouraged by Caleb's attentive stare. He sight-reads the music, and his heart starts beating wildly against his chest, because he knows where this is going.

"It's a beautiful concert," Caleb says when Alex's done eyeing the sheets. "I've been wanting to direct it for a long time now. For our first concert this season we're having a well-known professional pianist as a guest, as I told you in the rehearsal earlier," he looks at Alex, as if making sure he's understanding everything. "And I think it's the perfect time to play it. William here would play the cello, of course, and I'm offering you the flute part."

Alex really, _really_ doesn't know what to say. He's never- he's never been offered a part before. Yeah, sure, he's done a couple of solos and he's been part of duets and trios and quartets, but no one's ever really come up to him and offered him a part.

"I- I- you're sure you want me?"

Caleb frowns. "There's a reason I'm asking you, right? I would usually ask the leader of the section to play the part, but Shelby is having her own concert later this season, and she needs to focus on that. And you're second chair flute, after all. Besides her, you're the best flute we have."

And Alex understands that that's supposed to be flattering, he's fought hard for his place and his status, but still. Solos always make him so damn nervous, and the piece seems _hard,_ and the concert is-

"The concert would have to be perfect in one month a half," Caleb continues, as if reading his thoughts. "And I need excellence, gentlemen, from the both of you, we cannot let our guest down. But I'm trusting you with this piece."

Willie nods from his seat.

"You know I'm down."

Caleb repeats the gesture with satisfaction.

"And you, Mr. Mercer? I've already talked to your private teacher, and she thinks you're more than ready for the part. And I'm aware you're about to start college applications, and a trio like this would look excellent in your repertoire. And you do not," Caleb continues, paused and severe, and Alex's blood goes cold. "Want to let me down."

That's when Alex knows he doesn't really have an option, so he nods slowly.

"Of course, Mr. Covington, it'd be my honor to play it."

"Perfect." Caleb raises his hands a little, a huge grin on his face. "You two are expected to work together whenever you can. I believe you'll do an excellent job."

That's what terrifies Alex the most, the _expectations,_ but he just smiles while he tries to calm down the beating of his heart. He's never had to learn a concert from scratch like this, especially a trio, because they're hard to pull off. It's all about chemistry, respecting and understanding the other parts while shining on your own, and if they're going to work on their own because the piano part is going to be played by an actual professional- oh god he's screwed.

But Willie just rolls his eyes with another smile.

"We'll do great, Caleb, you'll see."

"You're right, William, we'll see. You can leave now, Mr. Mercer, I'll see you on Saturday. And William," he adds at the end. "You'll have to go home alone; I've got a lot to do in here."

Willie groans. "You told me you'd get me home!" He complains, throwing his head back. "I didn't even bring my board, and it's a long walk home-"

Caleb shoots him a death glare. "It's not my fault. You can wait here if you want."

"I can give you a ride home."

Alex's not even aware that words are leaving his mouth until it's too late. He doesn't know why he's offering Willie to take him home, especially knowing that he's supposed to go to Luke's to get the drum set, but the offer is just- an instinct, and it's not like it will take a lot of time. He's a little scared that he's coming off too strong or something, given the fact that he's only spoken to Willie like once before, but Willie stands up enthusiastically, grinning.

"That'd be awesome, man, thanks!" He says, walking to him and raising his hand so Alex can fist-bump him. Alex replies to the gesture as smoothly as he can, but he's sure he's letting his awkward personality shine brightly. "See? We're already bonding!" Willie passes an arm through his shoulders, grinning at Caleb. Alex's a little taller than him and the posture is a little weird, but Willie doesn't seem to care.

Alex lets out a smile too, just because Willie's is contagious.

Willie puts his cello in the backseat of his dad's car and climbs on the shotgun seat. Alex sits behind the wheel and lets out a breath, because driving's always scared him a little, but he really wants to seem cool in front of Willie.

"Have you ever played in a trio before?" Willie asks suddenly a couple of minutes later. Alex shrugs.

"I haven't done something like this before, no. I've never played with a guest."

Willie nods a little. "I'm sure you'll do great, man, you're really good."

And okay, that's _really_ meaningful coming from someone like him. William Covington has a big future in the music world, and everyone who knows a little about the classic music scene knows this. He's seventeen, just like Alex, but he's already travelled all around the world doing solos and participating in contests. He's even played as a soloist for the Los Angeles Philharmonic Orchestra, and that's a huge thing. He's extremely talented, and that's obvious from the way he plays every piece effortlessly, like he's playing around, like he doesn't care. Alex doesn't really know much about the cello, but he knows enough to know Willie's _good._

So he's terrified of doing a trio with him. And with a professional. Oh god, he's going to screw up so freaking _hard._

"Thanks," he answers, though, because the one thing you always have to do in the music world is to pretend you know how good you are. "You're- um- really good too."

"You can home to my house next week," Willie continues. "To practice, you know. The good thing about this piece is that the piano pretty much does its own thing and we're the ones who work together."

Alex doesn't think he'll be able to have the whole piece ready in a fucking week, but he nods anyway. He guesses he just won't- sleep or something.

"You're headed home?"

Alex shakes his head at Willie's question. "Me and some friends are setting up a studio for our band. I'm supposed to go to Luke's and take his drum set over there."

"That's so cool!" Willie says with a smile. "What kind of music do you guys play? Please tell me it's not classic. I'm so sick of it."

Alex chuckles. "Nah, we're doing pop and rock mostly. You know Julie Molina?"

Willie nods. "Yeah, our pianist."

"Well, she's our lead singer. Reggie plays the bass, Luke the guitar and I'm on the drums."

"So you're really into percussions now, right?"

"Um-" Alex doesn't really know how to answer. But Willie's staring at him with a smile and Alex really likes the way his brown eyes pierce through him, so he just tells the truth. "I love it. It's so much better than the flute."

Willie frowns a little. "You don't- like playing flute?"

Alex shakes his head. "It's not that I don't _like_ it. It's just- I don't know. It was getting kind of boring, so I decided to try out the drums and I've realized I really like those better. But it's not like I'm stopping or something," he adds as an afterthought, just because he needs to reassure himself of that.

Willie just smiles at him, though. "I get you, man. Like, I love the cello and stuff, but sometimes it can be so damn boring. That's why I skate a lot. Do you?"

"Do I what? Skate? Oh god no, that's scary."

Willie lets out a laugh. "It's not scary! It's the best thing ever. Maybe I'll teach you sometime."

"Yeah," Alex says, stretching his words. "I don't think that's going to happen."

Willie raises his eyebrows. "I'm taking that as a dare, dude."

"There's no way I'm saying yes."

"We'll see."

Of course, that's when his dad's car decides to die. One moment it's working just fine and the next it won't start, even if Alex steps on the pedal as hard as he can.

"Crap," he curses, because his dad is going to _kill_ him.

"What?" Willie asks, frowning.

"The car just died."

He expects Willie to get angry at him or something, but Willie just bursts out laughing, throwing his head back and clapping his hands a little. Alex really likes his laugh. Then Willie seems to figure out that maybe he _shouldn't be_ laughing, because he stops sudddenly. "Oh man, that sucks. Do you know what's wrong with it?"

"It's probably the battery," he guesses, but he honestly has no idea.

Willie nods. "Okay, we're not that far from my house. We'll see if we can follow a YouTube tutorial on how to recharge car batteries or something."

It does work out at the end. They walk the four of five blocks to Willie's house, and Alex tries not to gasp at the huge, modern white house. They get some cables from Caleb's car and they watch a YouTube tutorial and they kind of figure out how to do it. They walk back to his dad's car and they manage to turn it on. It takes them almost an hour, but it's actually fun. Willie's just- Alex doesn't know how to describe it. Funny.

"Okay, get in."

They drive back to Willie's house and Willie takes his cello from the backseat and waves at Alex.

"You still going to Luke's?" He asks, leaning against the car door. Alex nods.

"I promised him I would. I just hope the car won't betray me again."

Willie waves him off with a scoff. "We worked in this _together_ , dude. It's as good as new. Trust me."

Alex grimaces. "Er- I don't know-"

Willie bats his hand at him. "Get out of here!" He says between a laugh. "Someday you'll learn to trust me."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

"See you on Saturday!"

The car does work well enough for him to go to Luke's and fill the back of the car with cymbals and toms. Luke asks him what took him so long and Alex just shrugs.

"C'mon dude, tell me what happened! Why did Caleb want to talk to you? Was it about you changing to percussions?"

"Oh, no, nothing like that. I'll tell you guys at the studio."

They spend the whole afternoon moving instruments and amps, trying out acoustics and formations, and if he has to be honest, messing around. They're never able to do much if the four of them -plus Flynn- are together. Then Ray calls them so they can go eat dinner and Alex almost forgets that he really should be home, studying the part for the at least 20-minute piece.

But being with his friends is more fun, doing this is way more fun, so he decides to ignore his responsibilities. Then Julie asks him what happened after the orchestra rehearsal, and he tells the guys everything.

"Oh, well, that's really good," Ray tells him, handing him another slice of pizza. "Although I think is way too little time to prepare a piece."

Alex nods, groaning a little. "It is. But according to Caleb I'm 'more than ready to do this,' and then he looked me in the eye and told me I didn't want to let him down, and I knew I couldn't say no."

Reggie grimaces. "Concert season is stressful enough as it is. If I had to prepare a concert I would die-"

"You're not helping, Reggie," Julie scolds him, her voice high and an irritated smile on her face. Alex laughs a little.

"I mean, if I work really hard, I'll be able to do it, I hope, but I'm so nervous to work with Willie," he shakes his head. "He's like- crazy good. And I'm not."

Luke nudges with his elbow from his seat beside him. "Don't be stupid. You're crazy good too."

"I could try to learn the piece," Julie offers. "And maybe we can work together."

Alex feels his stomach unclench a little. "You'd do that for me?"

Julie rolls her eyes. "Of course, you idiot."

They finish eating and then Reggie, Luke and Flynn leave for home in Reggie's car. Julie photocopies the music sheet while Alex gets his flute from his dad's car, and they try to play the concert.

It doesn't go really well. They mess up a lot, and there are a couple of passages that Alex doesn't get at all, but at least it's something. There's this part in the final movement where the flute part is _hard_ , and he's the pretty much the only one playing for those parts, and Alex is terrified. Julie helps him calm down a little and just shrugs and tells him to practice. That he's already halfway there.

When he gets home, he tells his parents about the part he got and they smile and hug him and congratulate him and Alex's heart shrinks slowly, steadily, because he can already feel the pressure and the fear building up inside his chest. Then his mom looks him intensely in the eye and tells him that, now that he has to practice for the concert coming up, he should stop 'playing around with the band.'

"No, mom, I'm not- um- stopping." He says the last part in a whisper, because he's always been kind of scared of his mom, and he's always hated conflict.

She rolls her eyes. "I'm serious, Alex. This is important, and you need to focus on it. I already talked to Helen and she's willing to extend your lessons from an hour to two, alright? I need you to be focused. Don't let me down."

Of course it's about not letting _her_ down. Not letting her _name_ down, because his mom is a flutist too, (or well, used to be one,) and she's always kind-of-imposed her long-failed dreams into Alex. She tried on his brother, but then he told her he hated music from a young age and she gave up and moved on to Alex. And Alex's mistake was the fact that he's always hated letting her down, so he just smiled and told her that, yes, he wanted to be a flutist too.

So he shudders at the thought of his mom being angry at him and he nods with a tired smile.

"I'll be focused. I won't let you down, mom, I promise."

She smiles, with that warm, comforting smile she just uses when he's promising something to make her happy.

"That's what I like to hear."

**III.**

One week later, as Alex stands in front of Willie's house, he feels like he's about to fucking _die_. He's not ready, oh god he's so not _ready_ , he's probably going to fuck up the rehearsal and Willie will hate him forever.

He's been practicing really hard the last few days, so much that he's already getting kind of tired of the song. Between that and school and the band he's barely sleeping because he always has a hard time falling asleep when he's worrying about something, it's like his brain won't shut up and he's dragged by a crazy tide of thoughts, and he has no control over where they take him. He's aware that being this scared and stressed is not normal, not completely, but he's been sucking it up for a long time now.

Willie's house - _Caleb Covington’s house_ \- is big and white and a little scary. He'd never thought he'd be standing in the front door, ready to come in and practice with William Covington from all people, but at least he likes to think that yes, he's earned this. If they really needed a flute and Shelby wasn't available, he _was_ the best option.

That only makes him feel more stressed, though. The bigger they are, the harder they fall after all.

He rings the doorbell and waits for Willie to open the door. They've been texting a little, talking about the hardest passages of the song and about crazy, random things. Willie likes texting Alex _a lot_ , and he does his best to answer as fast as he can, even if he thinks about his replies for at least five minutes.

Willie opens the door with his usual grin. Alex likes the way he always seems to be smiling. His hair is tied into a messy bun, wild strands falling all over the place.

"Hey man," Willie greets, gesturing towards the inside of his house. "Come in."

The inside of the house is even more- he doesn't know how to describe it. _Elegant,_ maybe. Everything's white and clean and there are a lot of chairs and paintings. It kind of reminds Alex of a museum, and he's suddenly afraid to break something.

There are violins and cellos and violas hanging from a wall, as well as a huge grand piano standing in the middle of the living room. Alex can see a lot of photos of Caleb, standing in front of huge orchestras, holding his violin and bow high, a big smile on his face. Alex can almost hear the roaring applause he must have been hearing. He's been to a couple of Caleb's concerts, and he's really, really good.

Willie catches him staring at the pictures. "Oh, you think there's a lot of them? Wait until you see the music room."

Alex raises an eyebrow. "Do you have a music room?"

"Yeah, look," Willie chuckles and then grabs his hand -he freaking _grabs Alex's hand_ \- and makes him run towards the other side of the house. They enter another huge room, with a high ceiling and padded walls.

"Dude," he lets out in a gasp. "This is _awesome."_

The first thing that catches his eyes is the drum set, standing in the back of the room. It's covered in a fine layer of dust, but there's so many cymbals and drums and Alex wishes he could have a kit like that. There are guitars, basses, violins and a double bass. Three cellos and a trumpet and a french horn and some timps and a saxophone. One of the walls is completely covered in pictures, of Caleb and some of Willie. He walks towards the wall and stares at the photos. There's one that gets his attention really quickly. It's Caleb and Willie, standing in the front of the house. Willie looks not older than seven. They're both smiling and Caleb's hair is longer and Willie's missing his two front teeth.

Willie giggles at the picture.

"That one is from the day he adopted me," he explains. Alex hums a little.

"How old were you?"

"Um- eight. I had spent all my life in foster homes before, sharing a room with like, three other people. Then I moved here, and we had all this space for just the two of us. Sometimes I think I'm still not used to it."

"Dude, my whole family could move in here and we'd have a lot of space."

Willie laughs.

"Caleb doesn't really talk about himself, but I know he bought the house because he wanted a huge family. Then he got divorced and he adopted me and he never really had any more children. And Caleb's _never_ home, so it can get kind of lonely."

"Um-" Alex's about to say sorry, because that's what he feels like he's supposed to do, but then Willie claps his shoulder and gestures over the other side of the room with his head.

"Should we get started?"

"Oh, yeah," Alex nods effusively. "Definitely. I just- I didn't know Caleb used to be married."

Willie shrugs, grabbing his cello from the floor. He drags a chair to his side and then starts adjusting the music stand. "I've never met his ex-husband. They divorced in really bad terms. I only know he was pissed at Caleb because he preferred his music career over everything. Just- don't tell anyone about that, okay? I'm trusting you, man."

"Of course you can trust me!" Alex lets out, kind of forgetting that Willie's right beside him and that he shouldn't be speaking this loudly. "I wouldn't tell anyone. I don't even have anyone to tell, I have no friends. I mean, Luke and Reggie and Julie are my friends but I wouldn't tell them unless you wanted me to, but of course you don't want to so I'm not telling anyone, I'm great at keeping secrets because I'm always afraid I'll say something stupid and _oh god_ why am I telling you this."

Willie's staring at him with an eyebrow raised and a little confused expression, but his smile is still present.

"You're weird," he says when Alex's done word-vomiting. "I like it."

Then they start practicing, and Alex realizes that the little conversation he had with Willie beforehand has helped him forget about his nerves. They go through the song slowly, the beeping of the metronome reassuring the beat for them. Alex screws up a couple of times, but Willie just stops playing and tells them where they are starting again.

It's fun. And seeing Willie play is- it's kind of hypnotizing.

The way he closes his eyes and lets his fingers move, quick but secure, as if it were the easiest thing in the world. His bow moves effortlessly and he's not even reading the sheet music, and Alex wonders how the hell he learned the piece so fast. The little parts where he's the only one playing are the best. Willie doesn't seem to care that they're just practicing, because he plays as if he were already in the middle of the concert, in front of hundreds of people. Alex misses his cue because he was too distracted staring at Willie.

"Oh, shit," he says when he realizes he should've started to play three beats ago. "I lost count," he lies.

Willie hums. "From this part, then," he says simply, pointing to a part of the music sheet. Alex nods and brings the flute to his lips.

They practice for about two hours before they get tired. They finish the concert for what feels like the fiftieth time and then Willie loosens his bow and leaves it on the music stand. "I'm done, man. We still need to polish a lot of stuff, but this was great for a first try. I just wanted to tell you that, in the first movement, when you come in, the sound is supposed to be calmer, slower, think of it as a dawn."

Willie spends a couple of minutes giving Alex corrections about his interpretation, and Alex is a little contradicted. Because he's always kind-of-hated when people correct his playing, even if he knows that's how you get better at music. But Willie just speaks so- relaxed. He says it like it isn't a big deal, like he's offering suggestions instead of giving orders like most of people do. He doesn't sound condescending or annoyed, he's just trying to make Alex better.

He never thought he would like being corrected so much.

Alex just nods when Willie finishes, trying to memorize all the things he needs to work on. Willie is great at giving instructions.

"Thanks," he says, disarming his flute. "I do think we make a good team."

Willie raises his fist and Alex fist-bumps him, trying to look cool.

"That we do, man. Do you feel like eating something?"

Willie grabs his hand again - _freaking again_ \- before he can even answer and makes him run towards the kitchen. Then he throws a bottle of water at him but Alex fails to catch it and the bottle falls loudly to the floor. Alex grimaces.

"Sorry, sorry," he mutters.

They eat and then Alex realizes there's a huge, empty pool in Willie's backyard. Willie stares at it too and smiles.

"I know those are made for like, swimming in them and stuff, but I just use it as my skating ring. You wanna see some tricks?"

Alex nods, because even if he knows absolutely nothing about skating, he does want to see Willie do it.

Willie leaves the kitchen running, and comes back holding a beat-up skateboard and a helmet. They go to the backyard and before Alex can say anything, Willie's throwing himself into the pool. Alex's sure he's about to fall, but Willie manages to put the skateboard under his feet just before he hits the bottom of the empty pool.

Willie moves so fast Alex feels like _he_ is about to fall. It's kind of scary, but the jumps and the tricks are really cool, and Willie lets out little laughs and hollers as his body twists and turns and Alex feels like he's never watched someone having so much fun.

Then Willie is jumping off the pool, grabbing his skateboard with one hand and taking off his helmet.

"That was- really impressive," he tells Willie.

"Thanks," Willie sits on the grass beside the pool and he looks at Alex, kind of inviting him to sit beside him. Alex advances and sits, letting the afternoon sun shine brightly above them. "It's a great stress reliever. Believe me, whenever the cello stuff just becomes too much, I just need to skate a little and I'm ready to continue practicing."

Alex hums a little. "That's kind of how I feel about the drums," he admits.

"Oh, right! That's really cool man. I've tried drumming, but it's way too hard. I just don't get it."

"It's easy if you get into it," Alex explains. "You just have to- let go. What I like about it it's that you don't have to think, like when I'm playing the flute. It's all about feeling, the beats just kind of- come to me."

Willie's staring intensely at him now, and Alex feels the beat of his heart quickening, pounding weakly against his chest, reminding him that he's alive.

"What?"

"Oh, it's just that- I don't know. You don't get that spark in your eyes when you talk about the flute, that's all."

And Alex thinks that no one's ever told him he has a spark in his eyes when he talks about something before, and that makes him feel kind of special. He shrugs.

"I just- I've only started doing it, but I really like drumming."

"Have you talked to Caleb about it? Maybe he could let you change sections."

Alex sighs. "I... kind of already told him," he lets out in a high-pitched whisper. "A couple of weeks ago. He's not- he doesn't like the idea. Besides, to enter the orchestra you need at least two years of private lessons and stuff and I literally only know how to play old rock songs in Luke's worn drum set. I'm not like- orchestra ready. I'll probably never be."

"I heard you play the other day, remember? You're great, man, give yourself a little more credit."

"Thanks. But still, not like it's going to happen."

Willie stares at him suddenly with a knowing smile. "Maybe I could talk to Caleb. Convince him of letting you try. I mean, you'd still have to play the flute because I don't think he'll want to lose his second-best flutist, but if you present something awesome and I can make him listen, it would be-"

"Wait," Alex mutters. "Are you serious?"

Willie scoffs. "Of course."

"Would you do that for me?" Willie rolls his eyes at his question.

"Yeah," he answers, kind of like he's offended with the implication that he _wouldn’t_.

Alex hugs him before he can second-guess himself. Willie oomphs a little but hugs back, chuckling.

"Thank you," he mutters. He really shouldn't be hugging Willie like this when they've barely started to know each other, but for some reason he can't help it.

There's just- there's _something_ about Willie, just like there's always been _something_ about music.


	2. you'll forget your life

**IV.**

Five days later, after the band has a concert in a small café, a fancy looking guy in a suit comes up to them and gives them his card. Then he asks them if they'd like to play in a battle of the bands organized by his record company. Reggie lets out an audible, big gasp and Alex has to keep himself from punching him.

Julie, luckily, knows how to play it cool. She flips her hair and throws the guy a confident smile and tells him that they'd be honored to play.

They lose their shit when the fancy-looking-dude leaves their side.

Luke lets out a muffled scream while he shakes Alex's shoulders, as if Alex hadn't been there the whole time.

"He wants us to play for his record company!" He croaks, and Alex rolls his eyes but he can feel himself smiling anyway.

"I know!" He mirrors Luke's position and shakes his friend's shoulders too, because he's excited, he's so _so so_ excited. This could be important. This could be _huge_.

Julie raises her arms and lets out an excited scream too. Reggie picks her up and makes her spin around their little corner of the café. Flynn raises her soda can and starts dancing a little.

"This is awesome, you guys," Luke says when they've all calmed down a little. "If we want to make it big with the band, we need to do this right. We need to win this."

They all nod. "We need to start working harder," Luke continues. His expression becomes fiercer, more serious, the way he can only act when he's talking about music. "Practice every day and make sure we'll blow them all away. We need to achieve a new level of compromise."

Reggie rolls his eyes. "You're starting to sound like Caleb."

Luke acts offended and pushes Reggie a little.

"Shut up."

Luke is right, though. A gig like this is way more important than anything they've ever played before, and they need to nail it. But then he stares at the little poster the guy gave them and his heart drops when he realizes the battle of the bands is one day before the first concert of the orchestra season.

He tells that to the guys, but they all just look at him as if they didn't see the problem.

"The concert," he repeats, feeling his breathing quickening, threatening to spiral out of control. "The trio with the pianist and Willie. I- I- that's a lot to do."

Reggie lays his hand on Alex's shoulder.

"Relax, man, you'll do great in both," he tells him, and Alex shakes his head because he doesn't _get it._

"I- I need to practice a lot for the trio," Alex tries to explain. He's aware that he's panicking in the middle of the busy café, but it's not like he can control it. "Caleb and Willie and my mom are expecting me to do great but I'm not great and if we need to practice for this too, I'm going to lose my mind."

"Hey," Julie advances towards him and looks at him with a calming smile. "Relax, Alex. I'm sure you'll do great in both. And, if you feel like the band is a lot right now, we can always not play at the battle of the bands. We'll have other opportunities."

"Julie-" Luke complains under his breath, but she shuts him up with a death glare.

"It's up to you, Alex."

He stares at his friends, trying to make a choice. But Julie, Luke and Reggie are all excited. They've worked hard for this, and they deserve it. Jesus, _he_ has worked hard for this. Maybe he deserves to take a chance. Even Flynn has put an insane amount of effort into what she likes to call their 'marketing team.' And he knows that they need to take every chance they get, because they still aren't sure of how this whole band thing is going to work once they finish school. Julie and Flynn are a little younger than him, Reggie and Luke, and even if they are one hundred percent sure that they're going to keep doing this once the school year is over, they haven't exactly figured out _how_ yet. They have time, though, because October is just starting and if Alex starts stressing over that fact too he's never going to stop stressing.

And yeah, it's _a lot_ , he barely has any free time now, but they deserve _this_. He doesn't want to let his friends now, he doesn't want to let anybody down, and if he always has been pushing himself way too hard, he doesn't need to stop now.

So he shakes his head.

"Of course I'm in," he says, trying to make his voice sound as steady as possible. "We're _so_ going to rock that battle of the bands."

Luke jumps a little, enveloping him in a one-sided hug. "That's my boy!" He yells against his ear. Alex forces himself to smile.

Reggie and Julie and Flynn also come up to them and they end up in an awkward group hug.

"This is going to be _awesome."_

**V.**

It is _not_ awesome.

It's so far from awesome it's ridiculous. Alex's so damn stressed lately he's kind of forgotten how it is to exist without the ever-present feeling of panic churning in his stomach, making him think and think and think. He has exactly a month left until the battle of the bands, and a month and _a day_ until the concert. And it may sound like a lot of time, but in reality, it's not.

The battle of the bands seems to be building up to be a big event. There’re strict rules they have to make sure they follow, like the fact that all parts of the songs have to be played live, no recordings allowed, and the fact that, since they call their name, they've got exactly twelve minutes to enter the stage, play as many songs as they can, and leave the stage. If the twelve minutes are up and they're still there, they'll be automatically disqualified.

Also, it turns out that, besides the opportunity to play in front of at least a dozen record execs, the winner gets three thousand dollars in cash. Which is a lot, especially for four broke high schoolers.

So the thing is a huge deal, and they're all taking it like that. They've started practicing every day after school, trying to make the songs perfect. They've been working hard on the harmonies and on their sound and Julie's trying to convince Reggie and Luke to do some choreography.

After that, every Monday, Wednesday and Friday he has private class with Helen. Helen's a really cool, short, tan-skinned thirty-something year old who also plays in the Los Angeles Philharmonic, and she's usually chill and patient. But she's also really strict. She gets mad when she feels like you're not being perfect, and if she is in a bad mood -which tends to happen a lot,- she takes it out on you. After the two hours of class, he usually has a little time to keep practicing, do his homework and try to sleep.

Thursdays and Saturdays, he has orchestra rehearsal and on Sundays he goes to church, and then he does more homework. Usually Tuesday is his only kind-of-free day, but he and Willie have agreed to practice those days, so Alex's agenda is _full_ , to say the least.

He has started to fall asleep in class, because he's always tired and when he lays in bed at night he just can't sleep, and Reggie has to keep waking him up before the teachers realize he's dozing off in the middle of their lectures.

Which is fine, totally fine. He just needs to manage his time better, like his mom always tells him.

That Tuesday, he goes to Willie's house and they practice the concert. It really has started to improve, and Alex's kind of proud of the way they sound and work with each other. Willie seems to be able to read him in some way, and he's really good at following his pace. If Alex goes fast (and that happens way too much,) Willie just rolls his eyes with a smile and increases his speed as well. If Alex plays too gently, Willie also lowers the volume. Not a lot of people do that, and Alex really, really appreciates it.

Then Caleb asks them to play a little for him, so he can make a couple of corrections, and even if Alex feels like he's about to throw up as they start playing, he manages to go through most of the concert, skipping the parts they're still working on.

Caleb's known for his cold comments and destroying his musicians' confidence with a stare. But when they're done, he just shrugs and tells them where they can improve.

"You're doing a good job," he tells them before leaving the music room.

Willie turns to look at him, his mouth open, chuckling a little.

"He loved it!" He lets out in a yelled-whisper. Willie's expression makes Alex laugh, and he high-fives Willie.

"I mean, he didn't hate it," he mutters.

"That means he loved it!"

"I'm not sure that's how it works, dude-"

"Shut up, I'm taking it as a huge win."

They end up sitting in Willie's backyard, drinking water and talking about the most random stuff. He knows he should go home as soon as they're finished, but he really likes hanging out with Willie, so he indulges himself with that.

And then Willie asks him if he's doing anything that Friday.

"Um-" he croaks. He doesn't even know how to respond to a question like that. "Yeah," he manages to let out. "I mean, no. I'm not doing anything."

"Cool. See, this Friday there's this concert and it's like, exclusive and elegant and Caleb's forcing me to go. He usually lets me bring someone, but my best friend is kind of tired of going to classic music concerts, so maybe you want to go?"

"I-," Alex clears his throat a little, trying to sound cool. "I mean, if you want me too..."

Willie nods. "It's a good idea. I mean, Caleb always gets in a good mood in that kind of event and maybe we can tell them about making that change to percussions when he lets his guard now. You know, when he's in front of his musician friends and the expensive champagne has hit him."

Alex feels his lips drawing a smile. "Dude, that'd be- so awesome. I literally can't thank you enough."

Willie pushes him a little, making him fall in the grass. They both laugh.

"I promised I would try to convince him, right? This is the best chance we're getting."

"Okay. What do I need to do?" He asks as he stands up.

"Just, you know. Dress nicely, I guess. You can come here and then we'll take you to the concert hall."

"Cool," he answers. He knows there are a lot of concerts and events you can only go when your name is important in the music scene, fancy gatherings that his mom dreamed of going to. He almost can't believe he's going as Caleb Covington's guest.

"Cool," Willie repeats.

It's not until he tells Julie that it occurs to him that it could be a date.

"No way," he tells her, shaking his head a little. They're waiting for Luke and Reggie so they can go practice after school, as always. "It's not a date, Jules. He's just- you know. Doing me a favor. It's only so we can convince Caleb of letting me try percussions."

Julie raises an eyebrow at him. "You sure? Because it sounds like a date to me."

Alex shakes his head effusively. "No. No way. Willie didn't ask me out."

"I mean. He asked you if you were free. And then he invites you to a fancy, private concert. I may not know a lot about Willie, but I know enough about _humans_ to know he just asked you out. And you said yes."

"It's _not_ a date," he repeats, feeling his heart beat increasing. "Why would Willie ask me out? Why would anyone ask me out?"

Julie rolls her eyes.

"Whatever you say, Alex. You're really dense sometimes."

"I'm not!" He lets out in a little scream.

"You're not what?" Luke asks him suddenly, walking towards them, Reggie by his side.

"Dense."

"Oh, you totally are," Reggie says, a teasing smile on his face. Alex groans.

By Friday, he's drowning in nerves. He's been thinking about Julie's words a lot, and has come to two conclusions. One, it's not a date. Willie's just being nice. Two, if it _is_ a date, and that's a big if, it can't be that bad, right? Willie's cool and nice and funny and his hair is shiny and pretty and his smile makes his stomach churn and okay, maybe he is kind of hoping it is a date.

But if it's not, that's totally okay too. Totally, totally cool.

"Stop doing that, Alex," his mom scowls suddenly, and Alex realizes he's been tugging at the collar of his dress shirt, playing with his tie.

"Sorry," he mutters.

They're sitting in the car, driving slowly to Willie's house. It's around seven thirty, and the night is busy and bright.

When he asked his mom if he could go out that Friday, he was expecting to have to beg more. After all, his parents are really strict -or well, his mom is. His dad doesn't really care- and they barely let him go out this late, even if he's almost eighteen. But when he told her he'd be going to a private concert with Willie and Caleb Covington from all people, she'd gone _crazy_ , telling him that he didn't even need to ask. That's kind of new. Especially because if she knew this was a -maybe- date, she would’ve freaked out before forbidding him of ever seeing Willie again.

He's kind of never told her that he's gay. He's never told anyone but his friends. And he wants that to stay that way, thank you very much.

"Push your hair back," she scolds. "I've told you thousands of times, Alexander- I should've made you use gel or something. You look like a mess. This is important, you need to make a good impression-"

"Sorry," Alex repeats. He pushes his hair back a little and lets out a sigh.

"It's okay, it doesn't matter anymore." They turn in a street and then she stops in front of Willie's house. She looks at him, coldly and serious and Alex's stomach shrinks. "This is important, okay? Behave. I'm being serious, Alexander, you can't mess this up-"

"I promise I won't, mom."

She smiles at him. "I know you won't honey. I trust you. They'll drop you off at home, right?"

Alex nods. His mom smiles again and lays her hand on his cheek. She always does that, ever since Alex can remember, and he still can't tell if it's a good or a bad thing.

"Good luck, baby. Have fun."

Alex gets out of the car and walks towards the door. He feels kind of uncomfortable in his black suit, because it's tight and it lacks color and it's the complete opposite of what he likes to wear. But he's used to them, after all.

He rings the doorbell and waits, fidgeting, his legs trembling a little. Willie opens the door almost instantly, offering him a little, exaggerated bow.

"Glad you came," he greets, and Alex chuckles a little.

"Glad you invited me."

Alex's seen Willie in a suit thousands of times before, but now he's _really_ looking at Willie, and he's kind of left speechless. The suit fits him just right, and his tied hair frames his face and- wow. Okay, he should've payed more attention to him a long while ago.

Then a huge car appears in front of the house, and Caleb climbs down the stairs, offering them a cold grin.

"You kids ready?" He mutters, putting a coat on.

Willie nods. "Yep."

They all get in the back of the car, driving downtown, and Alex's kind of uncomfortable, because Caleb is scary but Willie is great and the two of them mixed is like a mess of emotions that he doesn't really know how to process. And then Caleb asks him where he's planning on going to college, and Willie grimaces.

"You don't have to ask him that, Caleb-," Willie starts, but the conductor raises his hand a Willie shuts up as if on cue.

"Um," Alex starts, licking his lips. "I'm not sure yet. I'm thinking about the San Franciso Conservatory of Music, but that's really far away and I don't want to leave LA. Colburn School is my best next option."

Caleb hums. "Colburn School is always a good choice, Alexander. I'm sure you'll get in."

"Thank you, sir," he answers, because he doesn't know what else to say.

"William here is going to the Toulouse Conservatory," Caleb continues. Willie groans.

"We haven't decided on that yet," Willie grunts, and Alex realizes his fists are closed. His muscles have gone tense and he can tell there's a lot going on within that choice. He kind of feels like he's intruding.

"The Toulouse Conservatory is one of the best schools of music for someone like you-"

"And I still don't know if I want to go to freaking _France_ , Caleb."

Caleb seems to sense this is not exactly the best moment to discuss something like that, so he waves his hand. Alex realizes he's always making those kind of gestures, as if he'd never stopped directing an orchestra. He figures it can get kind of annoying after a while.

Willie rolls his eyes and then looks back at him with a little apologetic smile.

"Sorry about that," he whispers to Alex.

"Don't worry, man," he whispers back.

The concert hall is huge, and pretty and so elegant and Alex kind of fells out of place between the dresses and tuxedos and expensive champagne, whispered conversations about things he doesn't really understand. He's been in that concert hall once, to play a concert a couple of years ago, but he's never been in one of these fancy concerts where you can only enter if your name is on a shiny, white list.

The guy on the door looks at them up and down and then checks the tablet he's holding. "Caleb and William Covington and a guest," he says, and Caleb nods. The guy moves and makes a gesture and they go through the big glass doors.

A guy holding a big golden tray offers them champagne, and Willie takes two glasses before he realizes they're underage.

"Are you sure we're allowed to drink this?" He asks, leaning close to Willie so only he can hear Alex.

Willie giggles a little. "Technically, no. But no one cares." Then he raises his glass to him and Alex can't help but smile and knock his own glass against Willie's.

"Cheers," they say at the same time.

When the show's about to start, Caleb leaves with people they don't know and tells them to 'behave and have fun.' Alex doesn't really know how to do that, but Willie just rolls his eyes and walks them to the back of the theatre.

"These can get pretty boring sometimes," he explains as they sit in the last row of seats. "At least in here we can talk a little and no one will hear us."

The orchestra comes on stage slowly, to the beat of a polite applause. Then walks in the concert master, then the conductor, and the music starts with a thundering sensation, the sound travelling strongly, filling the empty space of the theatre.

The champagne tastes bitter in his mouth but the music is- beautiful, and the ambiance is great, and he's really enjoying just- being there, watching the orchestra and sitting beside Willie. It's comfortable and it just feels right. Maybe they haven't been spending time together for too long, but Alex- he doesn't know. He likes the way he feels when he's with Willie.

It's almost twenty minutes into the concert when Willie suddenly grabs his hand. It's not rushed or anything, but one second his hand is resting in top of his thigh and the other Willie's intertwining their fingers. It's dark in the theatre and Alex can't really see his expression, but the light shadows that hide his features show him the edges of a smile, so he smiles too and squeezes Willie's hand. Because it feels right too.

The concert lasts for two hours, but Alex feels like only minutes have gone by when the orchestra prolongates its last note, and then there's clapping and words he doesn't really understand. Then the lights of the theatre get turned on, and he closes his eyes because everything's so bright suddenly.

Willie chuckles by his side, and then he lets go of his hand. Alex feels- empty now. He had just gotten used to Willie's warm skin against his.

"Did you like it?" Willie stands up and stretches his arms a little. Alex gets up too and nods.

"They were awesome. I mean, I don't know much about violins, but the soloist was-"

"Wow," Willie finishes for him.

"Yeah. She was wow."

They're on their way to meet Caleb in the front of the concert hall when Willie grabs him by the shoulder and leans against his side to whisper in his ear.

"We'll tell Caleb about you changing to percussions in the car, okay? You just need to smile and follow my lead."

Alex nods a little. He has no idea of how Willie is planning to convince Caleb, especially since he's already told Alex that he can't, but he's more than willing to at least give it a chance.

They get back on the car again, and they start their drive to Alex's house. Willie stays silent for most of the ride, and then he perks up and looks at him with a knowing smile.

"Oh, Alex, I just remembered the way you played drums the other day, after rehearsal," he comments, casual, and Alex remembers that he has to follow Willie, so he nods and smiles a little. "You're _so_ good," Willie continues. "Like, so so so good. Have you ever thought about doing percussions for the orchestra? We could use someone else, especially for the drums if we ever do more modern songs."

He says the last part staring at Caleb, an innocent expression decorating his face. Caleb looks at Willie, his face blank, his eyebrows a little raised.

"I know you told me you wanted to start taking the percussions more seriously," Willie's words are suddenly more defined, as if letting him know something, and Alex kind of understands where this is going.

"Yeah, definitely. I want to learn as much as I can," Alex mirrors Willie's causal tone of voice.

"Wouldn't it be great if you let him try out for percussions at the orchestra, Caleb?"

Caleb lets out a sigh. He stares at Willie and then at him, frowning a little.

"Actually, Alex here has told me that he wants to do percussions for us. But I'm sure he understands there's nothing I can do about it, given that he auditioned as a flutist. Besides, I assume he wants to focus on his instrument."

"Yeah, he understands," Willie continues, still deathly casual, a little grin on his face. "I'm not speaking for him or anything, but- he's already a part of the orchestra, so there _must_ be something you can do. And it's not like he'll stop playing the flute or something. He'll focus on both. I'm sure he can handle that. Right, Alex?"

Alex nods effusively, so fast and hard he's sure he must look ridiculous.

"I won't forget that flute is my first priority," he tries to explain, his voice a little shaky. "It's just- it's good knowing a lot of instruments, right? And I know I only have a couple of months left in the orchestra, and I want to- um- use them to learn as much as I can."

Willie pats his shoulder with the back of his hand. "See, Caleb? You know how responsible and committed Alex is. You know he won't let you down. Do this for him. For _us."_ He says the last phrase in another tone, one Alex's never heard him use before. It's sincere and raw and vulnerable.

Caleb lets out a sigh, and then rolls his eyes.

"I suppose I could tell everyone that you're only supporting our percussion section-" he starts, and Alex's heart starts beating wildly, pushed by hope. "And if you promise not to neglect your flute studies-"

"Of course he promises," Willie interrupts. Caleb raises his hand and Willie closes his mouth.

"Okay. Have something prepared for Tuesday. I'll hear you after you have rehearsal with Willie. If you impress me, I'll arrange something. Do we have a deal?"

Alex can't totally believe it. He'd never thought Caleb Covington would be someone to change his mind, but he supposes it's different if it's his own son who's asking.

"Thank you, sir. For this and for inviting me today."

Alex's voice is raw with feeling, almost embarrassingly heartfelt.

The car takes a turn and Alex realizes they're already at his house. They stop in front of it, and Alex barely has time to shake Caleb's hand and shoot Willie the most thankful look he can muster.

Willie smiles back at him, letting out a small chuckle.

"See you tomorrow!" Willie yells, his head peaking from the window when he's standing outside of the car and Alex just manages to wave at them and try to contain the raw, bubbly happiness that's running through his veins.

Oh god, he needs to _practice._

**VI.**

The next day, he's pretty much dead on his feet, and once he gets back from orchestra rehearsal in the morning, he falls asleep. He was supposed to go to Julie's house to practice on the drum set over there, but after lunch he tells himself that he'll only close his eyes for five minutes. When he opens them, though, the sky is dark outside. He bolts out from his bed, cursing as he realizes he's lost a complete afternoon.

"Crap," he groans as he grabs his phone. Julie has called him three times and has left him a bunch of texts. She asks them if he's coming over in all of them, but Alex guesses she must have given up after two or three hours.

He calls her.

"I'm sorry," Alex mutters when she picks up.

"Don't worry, man. I just thought something could've happened. You seemed really eager to practice this afternoon for Tuesday, and I found it weird that you didn't come."

"I fell asleep," he admits between a sigh. "I don't know how, but I just slept for like- five or six hours."

Julie hums in the other end of the phone. "How much have you been sleeping lately? Because you always seem tired."

Alex shrugs even if he knows Julie can't see him. "I've just been really busy lately." That's an understatement. He can't remember the last time he slept more than three hours at night. The bags under his eyes are betraying him. "But I'm fine," he continues, trying to convince himself and Julie at the same time. "I just really need to practice. Do you think I could go tomorrow?"

"Yeah, of course. That's why it's _our_ studio, Alex, you can use it whenever you want."

"Thanks, Jules."

When he asks his mom for permission to go out that Sunday after church, he knows she'll never say yes if he tells her that he wants to go practice to do percussions in the orchestra. It's not that she hates it, but she does think it's a waste of time, and that he should be focusing solely on the flute.

That's why, when she asks, he tells her he'll go practice with Willie, because there's no way she'll say no if she believes he's going to practice with him.

"Oh, of course you can." His mom offers a smile. Her hair is blond just like his, and they have the same eyes and nose and Alex kind of hates the way they look so much alike. It's like he can't get rid of her expectations, her imprint, not even when he's looking in the mirror. "You can always go to Willie's. I like him much better than your other friends."

Oh, if she only knew.

Alex is pretty sure that if his mom knew about the messages and the hand holding and the way his heart seems to forget the normal way of beating whenever he thinks about him- he wouldn't like him that much.

He guesses it's because he knows William Covington, the cello prodigy, son of Caleb Covington, the perfect guy with a defined future he's worked hard on, the one that hides behind an instrument and a tailored suit that everyone seems to know. She doesn't know _Willie,_ who's funny and kind of dorky, who loves breaking rules and skating and ringing doorbells before running instead of practicing. Willie who's the nicest person he's ever met, whose voice is calm and relaxed, who's always wearing a smile on his face, who won't admit it but loves getting into trouble.

And yeah, Alex didn't really know that person before either, but he's glad he's had the chance to _really_ know Willie. He's still not sure if they're actually on to something, but if they are, Alex is going to be really, really happy.

After church, he hurries home and gets changed and is on his way out of the door when his mom stops him.

"Alex," she calls, sounding estranged. "Aren't you going to take your flute?"

"Oh," Alex feels himself flushing. "Yeah, right. Right, right. I can't believe I almost forgot." He climbs the stairs towards his room trying not to laugh.

When he gets to the studio, Julie, Luke and Reggie are waiting there for him.

"Hi," he says, staring at his friends. "What are you guys doing here?"

"We're helping you, dude," Reggie answers, rolling his eyes a little. Alex is sure that his face betrays the gratitude that starts filling his body.

"Okay," he answers, because when he doesn't know what to say, he always goes with 'okay'. "Okay, let's get to work."

The afternoon passes painfully quickly. Alex's not really sure what Caleb's expecting to hear from him, or how the hell he's going to impress him, but he sure as hell is going to try his best, so he's working on a drum solo to go along with one of those old jazz songs Willie has told him that Caleb likes.

The guys give him ideas while he builds the solo he wants to play, and by them time they're satisfied with the way it's going to sound, he just needs to make sure it's _perfect._ If he makes one single mistake while playing it- well, he's known Caleb long enough to know he's not going to let him do percussions as well. So he plays it again and again and again, and he apologizes because his friends must be sick of hearing it, but they all smile and tell him to keep going.

Then six p.m. comes around and Reggie and Luke have to get going. Alex thanks them because their presence has really, really helped him, and they both smile and say goodbye. Then Julie's dad calls her to go have dinner and Julie asks him if he wants to have dinner with them.

Alex shakes his head because he's not hungry, his stomach churning with nerves, and because he has to keep practicing.

That's what he does. He repeats the part until he feels like he knows it by heart, until his hands and feet move automatically, without having to think too much. Then he starts focusing on staying on the beat, and then on the sound, and then in the way he's sitting because he's heard there's actually a correct way of sitting while playing, and then he realizes it's like- nine p.m.

Julie comes to tell him that maybe that's been enough practice for today, and Alex realizes that yeah, maybe she's right. He grabs his phone and his heart stops when he sees three missed calls from his mom.

"Shit," he mutters, opening the messages. The last one is from three minutes ago.

 _It's late,_ it says. _I'll go pick you up with the car. I'll be there in twenty minutes._

"Shit, shit, shit."

Julie raises an eyebrow. "What?"

"I told my mom I'd be going to Willie's to practice- fuck, _fuck_. She's going there to pick me up, like right now. If she finds out I was here instead of- oh god she's going to kill me."

"Okay, don't freak out. We- um- maybe if you take my bike you can get there in time. Call Willie and ask him to cover for you."

And that's not a bad idea, but the thing is-

"Um, Julie?" He mutters, kind of embarrassed. "I don't how to ride a bike."

"You don't-" Julie shakes her head a little, like she's trying not to kill him. "Okay, I'll take you."

"... In your bike?"

"Yes, in my bike! Now hurry."

Alex calls Willie while Julie goes bring her bike. Willie sounds a little amused, but he tells him that he'll be waiting on his back door.

He grabs his flute and gets on the bike behind Julie, standing on it as best as he can without- dying or something.

"You ready?" Julie asks.

Alex nods, his eyes closed. If he has to be honest- bikes have always scared him a little, but he _needs_ to get to Willie's before his mom does, or he's going to die.

"Let's go!"

Julie pedals as fast as she can, and she doesn't live really far away from Willie's, so luckily, if the world doesn't hate him, they'll make it there on time.

"Faster!" He urges, and Julie manages to turn around and slap him lightly on the shoulder.

"I'm going as fast as I can, you asshole."

They stumble off the bike when they make it to Willie's house. They run to the back door as fast as they can, and Willie's waiting for them with a smile on his face.

"You made it!" He greets.

Julie rests her hands on her knees, trying to regain her breath. "I'm never doing that again. Please don't make me do that again. I can't believe we didn't fall or crash or something."

Alex is about to ask if they really could've fallen and _died_ , like he's always been afraid of, but then his phone starts ringing.

"Mom?" He answers, trying to sound causal.

"I'm outside, Alex."

"Coming."

Julie, Willie and Alex stare at each other for a second and then they burst out laughing. They go inside the house. Willie sends Julie to the kitchen so she can have a glass of water.

"Thanks, Jules. I mean it, you literally saved my life."

Julie swallows and smiles. "That's what friends are for. Please learn to ride a bike."

"You don't know how to ride a bike?" Willie turns to him with an incredulous look, and Alex rolls his eyes.

"Leave me alone."

And then Willie grabs his hand and smiles at him.

"You'll do great," he says, staring intensely at him. "I'll see you on Tuesday, okay? You'll nail this."

Alex just manages to nod a little. "Thanks."

Then his mom honks the car, and Alex kind of jumps a little, realizing that he's still holding Willie's hand. Julie is staring at them, both eyebrows raised and a smug expression on her face.

"I should definitely go. Thanks for covering me, and, um- yeah. See you guys."

His mom looks a little annoyed. He gets in the car and says hi and she rolls her eyes a little. "I called you a thousand times, Alex."

"I know, mom, I'm sorry. We were, um- busy practicing."

She sighs.

"Okay then. As long as you were practicing, it's fine."

**VII.**

He can't sleep that night. Or the next one. It's all a mess of nerves and overthinking and being scared of fucking up. The only thing his brain seems to be able to do is think about the solo and Caleb and every single thing that could go wrong. On Monday, after band rehearsal, he stays at the studio for as long as he can, practicing the solo he's come up with until he makes sure it's as perfect as it's going to be. Luke, Reggie and Julie try to calm him down and tell him that everything's going to be okay, and Willie does too, through weird texts that make him laugh.

Still, he's scared.

On Monday, too, after he has class with Helen, she looks at him with a serious expression, sitting down beside him in his house's living room.

"Caleb Covington told me you want to try out for percussions at the orchestra," she tells him. Alex curses internally, because he really didn't want Helen knowing this.

"Um, yeah. I'm thinking about doing both flute and percussions. You know, I thought it'd be- um- fun. It's not like I'm going to stop practicing or something, I promise."

Helen hums.

"I know that you've been struggling lately. But you need to keep focused. College applications-"

"Are near, I know. I just- I like drums, okay? I really like them. And I want to learn as much as I can. It can't be that hard. You know me, Helen, you know I'm responsible enough to do this."

Helen sighs. "Okay. As long as you can manage everything at once, I guess it's not really up to me. I can't believe your mom agreed to this."

Alex must make a face or something, because Helen opens her eyes wide and shakes her head.

"She doesn't know."

"Please don't tell her! You know how she is; she'd never be okay with it- please please please don't tell her."

"Alex-"

"Helen, you've been teaching me for like- three years now. Please, do this for me. If she says no, I'm going to- I don't know. I just really _need_ to do this. Please."

He must sound scared or desperate or both, because Helen sighs again and nods a little, and Alex feels like he could hug her, even if he thinks he has never hugged Helen before.

"This is not going to end well, and you know that."

Maybe she's right. But for once, he doesn't care.

By Tuesday, if he's able to function it's thanks to caffeine. He hasn't slept in like, two days, and he's had a crazy amount of homework, as if his teachers knew it's the worst moment for him. He has band rehearsal and everyone can tell he's on edge, and then he feels bad because they're not able to do much, especially when there's only like two weeks until the battle of the bands.

But he's too nervous to think about it in that moment.

Then he heads over to Willie's house feeling like his heart is about to burst out of his chest. He tries to convince himself he can do this. He's worked hard, he deserves this, he just needs to relax. 'Own his awesomeness,' as Reggie calls it. He can do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

By the time he's standing in front of Caleb, though, he's seemed to forgotten all that. His hands are shaking, but he swallows down his fear and tells himself that he can do this. He can.

"Play something for me," Caleb starts, sitting in the chair beside Willie where he used to be sitting. "Then I'll see if you know the basics, alright?"

Alex nods a little. "Alright."

He sits behind the drum kit of Willie's music room. He grabs the drumsticks and ignores the thin layer of dust that never seems to leave the set completely. He takes a deep breath, pictures the song in his mind and starts playing.

It's not perfect. It's far from it, because he's trembling a little and because he's scared, but it's still good. He goes through the piece mechanically, trying to stay on the beat and not think too much, which is something surprisingly easy to do when he's playing drums. He has fun too, because, even if he's really stressed, he always has fun when he's playing drums.

When he finishes, he has to gather up some courage to look up at Caleb.

But Caleb's just nodding a little, with his always cold expression. Willie, though, has a huge grin formed in his lips, his thumbs up, and he looks so excited it's kind of ridiculous. Alex has to stifle a laugh.

"Ok, Mr. Mercer, now let me ask you a few questions."

He answers as best as he can. Then Caleb asks him to play a few rhythms, makes him try out the cymbals and the timps and then he shrugs.

"Alright. I have to admit you are a very talented young man. I'm willing to make an exception for you."

Alex's trying really hard not to jump and scream, so he tries to settle with a smile.

"Thank you, sir."

"I'll let you do percussions in the second half of the concerts we have coming up, but you have to do what the section leader asks you to do, you know how it works."

"Yes, sir."

"And if I feel like we need you in the flute section, you're on the flute section, no questions asked."

"Okay, sir."

Caleb nods, satisfied. "Now, if you excuse me, I have somewhere else to be."

Then he leaves the music room, and Alex can't completely believe what just happened. Alex waits for his footsteps to stop resonating through the house to envelope Willie in a tight hug. Willie flinches a little at first, kind of surprised, but then hugs him back, his arms caressing his back a little.

"Thank you," he mutters, still pressed against Willie. "You convinced him, and now- I don't know. I've been wanting to do this for a long while now. Thank you."

"Dude, you did this on your own," Willie's still hugging him, and Alex's vaguely aware that friends don't usually hug for this long. "You literally earned it. All I did was ask."

"Thank you anyway."

"You're welcome, Alex."

They finally break apart from the hug, and Alex suddenly feels exhausted. He remembers he hasn't slept for way too long, and he just wants to go home and sleep for the rest of his life. But he can't, anyway, because he's got homework to do and there are a lot of passages from the concert he has to work on. They have their first rehearsal with the pianist soon and everything has to be perfect by then, and he just has _so much_ to do-"

"We should celebrate," Wille tells him suddenly, pulling him out of his spiraling mind. "I have some ice cream. Maybe, um, you could stay a little longer and watch a movie or something?"

Alex should say no. He really should. But the offer sounds ridiculously appealing, so he nods.

"Alright. I'm in."

Willie grabs the ice cream and two spoons from the kitchen and then climbs the stairs. Alex's never been to the second floor of the house, but he follows Willie without saying anything. They go to his bedroom.

It's big. Like, really really big. Alex used to share a bedroom with his brother before he left for college, so he's used to not having a lot of space for himself, but Willie's room is way too big for one person. Still, he likes it. The walls are green, full of posters from bands he doesn't know. There's a huge bookshelf in one corner of the room, disorganized and overflowing with books. Willie has mentioned he loved reading before, but he didn't expect him to have so many books.

One of the walls has three skateboards hanging from it, and there's another one on the floor. Alex almost trips over it, and Willie apologizes with a chuckle. The place is kind of messy, but Alex likes it. It screams Willie in some kind of way.

Willie sits on the bed and pats the space beside him.

"Come here."

Nothing happens at first.

They just sit against the headboard and Willie grabs his laptop and puts a movie on. They eat and they laugh and then they spill the ice cream all over Willie's bed because Willie says something stupid and Alex makes the ice cream container tumble when he punches Willie playfully.

"Dude, I'm so sorry," he tries to apologize, but Willie's too busy laughing.

They end up taking the comforter off because it's full of ice cream, lying on top of the bed sheets.

Then, as the movie progresses, Alex tells himself it's not a big deal and lies his head against Willie's shoulder. He's tired of dancing around him. He panics for a second as Willie does nothing, but then his arm goes around Alex's shoulders, drawing him in for a hug, and Alex lets out a sigh.

They stay like that for a while, watching the movie. Alex's comfortable, and he can tell Willie is too, from the way he can feel his relaxed, slow breathing.

"This is nice," Willie tells him suddenly. Alex hums a little. "You know, I think no one's ever been in my room before."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I mean, I have some friends, but they're all from the orchestra or the guys I hang out with at the skate park. I'm homeschooled, so it's not like I ever had people around to do homework or stuff like that. It's kind of- I don't know. You seeing my room it's like you're seeing _me._ I don't know if you get it."

"Well," Alex starts, choosing his words carefully, his voice as steady as he can make it sound. "I like it."

"The room?"

Alex can't really see Willie's face from his position, still staring at the laptop screen, and maybe that makes it all a little easier.

"Yeah. And you know, you. I guess. I like you."

"Oh."

Maybe this is the perfect time to look up. He sits up straight and looks Willie in the eyes, trying to know if he didn't just fuck up their whole friendship.

"That's good," Willie says. He sounds awkward and flustered and Alex's glad to know he's not the only one who's unsure of what to do. "I like you too."

Alex swallows. "That's- um. Good. Yeah."

"Can I kiss you?" Willie asks.

As an answer, Alex kisses him.

At first is a little awkward, because he's never kissed someone before and because he's shaking with excitement and nerves and- _feelings,_ but then it just clicks. Alex is sure the kiss doesn't last too long, but he knows he could keep doing this for a long, long time.

Willie's the one who pulls away, with a shy smile, tucking his har behind his ears.

"That was nice," Willie's cheeks are a little flushed and his smile is silly and kind of- he doesn't know how to describe it. _Fond._ It's kind of endearing.

"Very nice," he agrees.

"Should we, um- maybe finish the movie?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I think that's a good idea."

Willie brings his laptop closer to them and rewinds the part they missed because they were kissing. He giggles stupidly a little at that. They were kissing.

He lays his head against Willie's shoulder again, and they stay like that until it gets late and Alex has to go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if I don't know how to ride a bike then Alex doesn't know either


	3. everything they told you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all the chapter titles are also from 'Tonight' by With Confidence.

**VIII.**

"Do you ever think about the future?"

Alex frowns, because that is the subject he's been avoiding.

"I don't know," he answers. "I mean, I think about the future all the time, right? But- I'm also scared of it, so I ignore it at the same time."

Willie chuckles a little.

They're sitting on the dirty floor of a skate park. The day is hot and Alex's sweating a little, because Willie made him run after him. They're supposed to have practice in an hour, and Alex really should be home, still sleeping because it's seven a.m., but Willie has somehow convinced him of going to the skate park before the orchestra rehearsal, as he always does on Saturday mornings.

"I get you. I know it's only October, but, um- when the year's over and we all have to move on- I don't know what I'm going to do."

"You're going to France, right?"

Willie grimaces. "I'm not sure yet. Caleb did his studies in France so he wants me to go to France. But, um- I like it here."

"Do you even speak French?"

_"Un petit peu."_

Alex frowns. "Right back at you."

Willie giggles.

"A little," he tucks some of his hair behind his ear. Alex's realized he does that when he's nervous, just like he rubs his arms. "I just- I know I want to be a cellist, right? So bad. It's everything for me, and stuff. When Caleb adopted me, he _made_ me play something, of course, but I chose the cello and I love it. I just wish I could make my own choices."

Alex nods. "Exactly. I've always felt like my mom's built my life and I hate it. Sometimes I don't know if I'm doing all of this because I want to or because my mom wants me to."

Willie grabs his hand. "We still have some time to figure it out, right? No reason to worry."

Alex huffs. "Easy for you to say. Worrying is all I can do."

"Sorry. I brought you here so you wouldn't freak out about today."

"Thanks."

And yes, he's freaking out, but he has to admit he's mostly excited. On Thursday, at the orchestra rehearsal, Caleb introduced him to the leader of the percussions section -a girl named Ally who Alex’s known for years now but never has talked to- and told her that Alex would be 'at his disposal', to do whatever she felt like was missing. Ally had looked at him with an eyebrow raised, a little confused, but had told him that she'd find him something to do by Saturday.

Their repertoire is quite big, and they've got six or seven concerts coming up, so there's a little bit of everything for the percussions to do, and Alex's just- yeah, nervous, totally, but also quite thrilled. This is what he's been wanting to do for a few months now.

Willie squeezes his hand.

They've been doing this a lot lately, ever since they kissed that Tuesday afternoon. They haven't kissed again, though, but Alex is strangely okay with that. He likes the way things are progressing, slow and kind of naturally. He's never had _something_ with anyone before, and the last thing he wants is to fuck it up. He's totally okay with the glances and the hanging out and the hand holding, thank you very much.

The rehearsal goes way better than he expected. He knows it's not a big deal for someone who doesn't do orchestra, but changing sections feels _weird._ Still, Ally makes him play the timps for a couple of songs and then asks him to come up with drum rhythms for the couple of more modern songs they have in their repertoire. She teaches him how to tune the timps and how to properly hold the sticks and Alex loves her already.

That afternoon, the band spends three hours trying to decide which songs they're going to play. They've prepared a lot of them, because Julie and Luke don't ever seem to stop writing, and when they remember they only have time to play like, three, arguing ensues.

It's mostly Julie and Luke who do the arguing while Reggie and Alex watch, but still. They lose a lot of time, and by the time they've finally decided which three songs they're going with, they're all tired and kind of done with the day, so they end up laying in Julie's couch, eating whatever they could find in her fridge. 

"If we don't win this thing I'm going to cry," Reggie says.

Luke snorts. "We _so_ are going to win, Reg."

"Your confidence can be annoying sometimes," Alex mutters. Luke punches him in the shoulder.

Julie rolls her eyes. "Stop it."

"Alright, I'll change subjects. Alex," Luke continues, staring at him with an annoying grin that makes Alex want to throw something at him. "How are things with Willie, huh? You two are still _practicing?"_ He says the last word in a suggestive, playful tone, and Alex takes his opportunity and throws a pillow at him.

"Yes," he answers, laughing at Luke's shocked face. "We're still practicing."

"You two still holding hands like there's no tomorrow?" Julie chimes in, her eyebrows raised, and Alex is _done._

"I don't know what you guys want me to tell you. We just kissed, it's not a big-"

"You _what_?"

The three of them scream that at the same time, and Alex suddenly remembers he forgot to tell them about that.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry I didn't tell you-" he starts.

"Willie _kissed_ you?"

"Actually, I kissed him-"

 _"You kissed Willie?"_ Reggie's almost screaming, and Alex can't help but laugh a little. It's kind of fun talking about this, so he shrugs and tells them everything, and if Julie teases him later because she says he sounds like a 'hypnotized puppy', it's worth it.

Then Reggie asks him how the preparation for the trio is going, and Alex talks about it and then he starts freaking out, because he's still afraid of letting people down. He's been working hard, really _really_ hard, but there's still some passages that don't sound that well, and there's not that much time left and they still haven't practiced with the pianist. Julie's been helping him, yeah, but still. There's so much that needs to be done, and the weird part is that he's so used to freaking out about it all the time that it almost doesn't bother him now.

Then his mom calls him and tells him to hurry and go home. He's told her that he's at Willie's, because she always lets him go there without asking questions and when he tells her that he's going to practice with the band she gives him a dirty look that he didn't feel like enduring that day.

He's aware that lying to her is bad, and all that stuff. It does make him feel bad, because he's always been the trustworthy, perfect child, and he's still not used to breaking those walls he's been locking himself into since he can remember. But it doesn't make him feel bad _enough_ to stop lying.

That night, he can't sleep. Again. There's just so many things going through his head _all the time_ that even when he's tired, feeling like his body is melting, he lays down and closes his eyes but his heart keeps pounding against his chest and his thoughts whirl around furiously through his mind. At four a.m., he gets sick of it, so gets out of bed and walks downstairs.

He practices the concert a little, going slowly through the parts he needs to work on. Then, when there are already sun rays peeking through the blinds of the house, he goes to the kitchen and has an early breakfast. He's holding a glass of water and then suddenly a voice calls his name and he doesn't know why, but it scares him _a lot._ He flinches and the glass of water falls from his hand.

The glass shatters against the floor and the water runs against his feet. He stares at it for some reason, focused on the way it advances slowly.

"Alex?"

God, he's _tired._

"Alex, hey, are you okay?"

It's his dad. Alex looks up at him and heaves a sigh. He nods, rubbing his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm okay. Sorry about this."

"What are you doing up? It's like- five in the morning."

His dad picks up the broken pieces of glass carefully, and Alex sits on the kitchen table.

"Um- couldn't sleep, so I was practicing a little."

His dad frowns. "You have a lot going on, huh?"

Yeah, you could say that. But Alex doesn't feel like talking about it with his dad from all people, so he just shrugs.

"Kind of. The concert is coming up, and there's so much that I need to do, and-"

His dad huffs. "You're way too stressed for your age. Calm down a little, okay? You don't need to practice all the time. It's like you're living at your conductor's house instead of here."

Well, he's been spending more time at Julie's, but his parents don't know that, and he's not going to tell them.

"I guess."

"Don't let your mom get in your head. She's can be really demanding, but she's mostly exaggerating, alright? Don't take her too seriously."

Alex can't help but roll his eyes. "You tell her to take it easy on me."

His dad laughs a little. He ruffles his hair. "I'm not doing that. You know how she is."

Then he grabs a cup of coffee and leaves, after telling him that he should get some sleep.

He ends up falling asleep in the middle of Sunday morning mass, and his mom gets angry at him.

She always seems to be angry at him lately. Alex wonders what it would be like if he actually told her the reasons why she _should_ be mad at him.

**IX.**

That Tuesday, instead of going to Willie's to practice like he always does, he's got his first practice session with the pianist, and to say he's nervous is an understatement. He texts Willie the whole morning, because he's great at calming him down. He has to make sure no one at school sees him using his phone in the middle of class, but it's worth it. The good thing about the fact that Willie's homeschooled is that he always seems to be available whenever Alex needs him.

Willie tells him that he has nothing to worry about, that the pianist -a guy named Oliver Mitman, who's Alex heard of before- is great, because apparently, he's played with him before. Willie seems to have played with everyone, given the fact that he's way more submerged into the concert world than him.

The rehearsal is in the orchestra practice room, with Willie, Caleb, the pianist and him. He usually walks there, because it's not that far away from his house, but that afternoon his mom tells him that he wants to go see the rehearsal, something she hasn't done since he was around thirteen.

"Um, you sure?" Alex askes her after she tells him to get in the car.

His mom nods and rolls her eyes. "This is an important rehearsal, honey. I want to be there for you."

Alex's not really sure her main intention is to be there for him, but it's not like he has a choice, so he nods and gets in the car.

It turns out that Willie was right, and the pianist, -Oliver, as he asks them to call him- is a great person, and a better pianist. His fingers fly effortlessly through the keys, and he accommodates himself to the sound Willie and him have created on their own.

The rehearsal is long and tiring, going through the same things again and again. They work on the timing and on the sound and Alex hears Oliver's suggestions and nods, while Willie actually argues with him on some stuff.

It's kind of weird having his mom in there, sitting in the back of the room, because it makes Alex more- self-conscious. He's afraid of doing or saying something his mom won't like. Then, while he's playing, he realizes that thinking like that might not be too healthy. But whatever.

"Alright," Caleb says suddenly, raising his hands, and they all go silent. "This is great. Just, a quick observation. Alexander, William, you two have amazing chemistry, and make a really good pair." Willie giggles and Alex flushes, because not a single person in the room except them knows what is going on between them. "You work great together, but this is a _trio_. Work with the piano, not only between the two of you. That's all."

Willie covers his smile with his hand while he calms himself down. Caleb rolls his eyes and Alex kicks Willie under his chair playfully, but that only makes him laugh more.

"Anything you want to add, Oliver?" Caleb asks, shooting Willie his 'be professional' stare, and Willie suddenly sobers up.

"Not really," Oliver says, standing up from the piano and walking towards them. "You kids are really talented. How old are you?"

"I'm eighteen, and Alex is seventeen," Willie answers for the both of them, putting his cello on the floor.

"Are both of you still in high school?"

"Yes, sir." Alex answers, and Oliver laughs a little.

"You don't have to call me sir. Oliver is fine."

"Right," he mutters, and he can tell Willie is laughing, so he kicks him again. Willie kicks him back.

"You're really talented, Alex," Oliver continues, and Alex feels himself flushing again. He's never been good at taking compliments. He's heavily aware of his mom's smile.

"Thanks."

Then Oliver asks them where they're going to study, and Alex hates the fact that every single person feels the need to _know_. _He_ doesn't even know, and he's getting kind of tired of the question, so he shrugs and answers what he's supposed to answer. Then Oliver and Caleb start talking about Toulouse, which also makes Alex nervous because he _likes_ Willie and he doesn't want him to go to _France_ , but whatever.

He's not paying that much attention, and that's why when he hears his name leave Caleb's lips, he's completely lost.

"Sorry?"

"I was saying that you could consider going to France too. Maybe somewhere in Europe-"

Alex feels like his blood is slowly turning to ice. "Oh, no, no way I could-"

Those words, though, seem to grab his mom's attention. She walks towards them and then stands up beside him, her hand laying heavily on his shoulder.

"Do you think he could go to Europe?" She asks Caleb with her big, confident, fake smile.

Caleb nods. "Of course, Mrs. Mercer. Alex here has a lot of talent, and maybe a well-known conservatory could help him a lot-"

The rest of the conversation scares Alex a lot, because his mom seems to be considering it. Like seriously considering it.

Thirty minutes later, they're sitting in the car, and Alex feels like crying a little, because his mom's smiling -with her _real_ smile now- kind of like she's seeing Alex for the first time.

"That could be exciting, right?" His mom asks, her fingers tapping the steering wheel. "To go to a conservatory in Paris or in- I don't know, Berlin or somewhere."

Alex shakes his head.

"Those are like, crazy hard to get into, mom."

"I know, but if you practice hard enough-"

"It's also really expensive."

His mom grimaces at that, at least. "Yeah, maybe. I could figure something out, if you really want it, baby. I'll talk to Helen, maybe she can come up with a plan to get you into one of those fancy conservatories. You've gotten close to William, maybe he could convince Caleb of writing you a recommendation letter or something-"

"Mom," he lets out, and his voice is a little shaky. His mom doesn't seem to notice, though. "I don't even know how to speak any other language."

"I'm sure you'd work something out. But it could be nice, right? We'll see."

Alex is about to tell her everything. That he doesn't want to be a flutist and he doesn't want to go to freaking Europe to study something that he doesn't enjoy enough to do it for the rest of his freaking life, but his mom is smiling and she seems excited and Alex doesn't feel like pissing her off, so he nods and turns his gaze to the car window.

He knows he _has_ to tell her at some point. He can't keep lying to her and pretending that everything's fine. He's been thinking about staying in LA, entering a college with a good music program, something that allows him to stay with the band and learn and play drums and maybe, if he feels like it, to keep playing flute. He doesn't want to tell her that the future they've been planning since he was like fourteen is about to fall apart.

He'll do it. Just not now. Someday. Hopefully, she won't get mad.

**X.**

The next week is crazy, to say the least.

It's all a mess of thoughts and practicing and Luke and Julie and Reggie and drumming and the orchestra rehearsals because the concert season is about to start. It's a mix of nervousness but also excitement because the songs they've been preparing are actually really cool and somehow Julie's convinced him of singing a little. It's a whirl of Helen and Caleb and Shelby and Ally and _Willie._

It's not that bad. Hanging with the band is something he'll never get tired of. He honestly could spend the rest of his life just playing drums in Julie's garage. Or he could spend the rest of his life just watching Willie, it doesn't matter what he's doing. They usually practice and then Willie skates in his pool and Alex watches, trying not to scream every time it seems like Willie's about to fall off. They've started going for a walk at the beach every morning, and then Willie walks Alex to school.

It's his favorite part of the day, because the sun shines bright but it's not too warm and the city is quiet and the sound of the waves calms his down as he holds Willie's hand and they just- talk and walk. Sometimes Willie brings his skateboard and Alex tries to stand up on it once but then he almost falls and he decides he's not doing that ever again.

And then it's suddenly Wednesday, and the battle of the bands is on Friday and the concert is on Saturday, and they find themselves busy with orchestra rehearsals. Luke complains as they walk to the orchestra rehearsal after school, holding his trumpet with a pout.

"We should be practicing," he groans. "I hate having to take my instrument everywhere."

Reggie looks at him with an annoyed expression. He's pushing his double bass beside them.

"Don't complain about that to me, man."

The rehearsal goes pretty great. He's playing flute for the first half, then there's the trio and then he'll play percussions for the other half of the concert.

Willie spends the whole four hours staring at him from his seat just beside Caleb, with a playful grin on his face and a stupid wink every time Alex dares to stare back.

"Dude," Shelby whispers to him suddenly, "no way. You and Willie- oh god it _worked_."

Alex blinks.

"What worked?"

Shelby covers her mouth with her hands, her eyes wide. "Nothing!" She lets out in a way too loud whisper. A couple of guys turn to look at them. She clears her throat. "Nothing. I mean- nope. Nothing."

Okay, Alex can be a little dense sometimes, but he knows there is _something_ going on here.

"What do you mean 'it worked', Shelby? What worked?"

She shakes her head. "I can't tell you. Maybe you should- um- ask Willie."

"Ask Willie what?"

But then Caleb raises his hands and Alex knows they can't talk anymore.

When the rehearsal is over, he, Reggie, Luke and Willie walk home together. Willie hasn't really talked to his friends, but they seem to get along just fine, which is good. He was kind of afraid Reggie and Luke wouldn't like him, because he hates conflict and awkward situations, but now that he thinks about it, no one can just like- not like Willie. It's physically impossible. And he likes to think that his friends are really likeable as well.

They end up walking to Reggie's house and Willie asks him if he wants to go to the beach for a while before going home. He looks at Luke, because they were supposed to walk him home too, but Luke just raises his eyebrows and tells them to go.

They sit in the sand. It's getting dark, but the weather is warm and nice and he feels like just sitting in front of the sea.

Then he remembers what Shelby told him earlier.

"Hey, Willie?"

Willie looks at him, an eyebrow raised. Alex likes his face. Oh god that sounded weird.

"Shelby told me something earlier. And when I asked for an explanation, she said to talk to you."

Willie tenses a little, and okay, now he's sure that something is up.

"Oh yeah? What did she say?"

"She saw you; you know. Looking at me."

Willie nods. "I like looking at you."

Alex shoves him playfully. "Shut up." Willie kisses his cheek, quickly and chastly, but Alex still feels like he's melting. "She said that it had worked. What worked?"

Willie presses his lips together, and now he's _really_ worried. "Willie, what worked?"

"I'm going to _kill_ Shelby."

"Dude-"

"Okay, okay, I guess you should know. But, um- please don't get angry at me."

Now he's _more_ than worried. He's starting to freak out. "Why would I get angry at you?"

Willie sighs a little. "Okay. Hear me out. We've been playing together for like, three years now, right?" Alex nods slowly. He's been in the Los Angeles Youth Orchestra for three years now, and Willie's been a first chair cellist since he was like, twelve. And they had said hello a couple of times, but they had _never_ talked. "Well, I've kind of- been wanting to talk to you for a little while now. But I never knew how to."

That's something he really didn't know. He's not sure what to do with that information.

"O... kay? Why?"

Willie groans, hiding his face behind his hands. "Because I liked you, you idiot."

"Oh."

Willie chuckles a little. "I knew you'd react like that. The thing is, well, when Caleb told me he wanted me to play that piece with flute and piano I kind of- well- I kind of saw an opportunity?"

Realization hits Alex like a wave, and he still doesn't know how to feel.

"You didn't-"

"I did. I'm sorry, but Shelby owed me a favor and we're both leaving the next year and this was my only chance to- you know. Get to talk to you."

"You made her reject the part on the trio? Willie, I-"

"You said you wouldn't get angry!"

And Alex is feeling a lot of things at that moment, but he's not angry. He's kind of- moved.

"I'm not! Just- what? What did you tell her?"

"To say no if Caleb asked her to play the trio. Besides, she really is working on her own solo concert and I knew you were great and you were going to nail it and I really, really wanted to play with you. I didn't- I'm sorry? I don't know. Should I be sorry? I didn't want you to like me or something, I mean, I _did_ want you to like me, but it's not like I was trying really hard, I just wanted to be friends and see how it went from there and I-"

Alex kisses him.

He's never- no one's ever told him they liked him. He means, Willie has, a couple of times now, but Alex never thought someone would do that for him. He never thought he'd be interesting enough for someone to actually _want_ to spend more time with him. It's endearing, it's exciting, it's almost satisfying. He's so, so glad Willie did it.

The concert has been really stressing, but still. He's enjoyed so much working with Willie, getting to see him so much, getting to know him. It's kind of stupid, because they're not even dating (at least not _yet_ , as Alex hopes), but he can't really imagine his life without Willie in it. He doesn't even want to.

Willie kisses back, smiling against Alex's lips.

Then they kiss a couple more times, until the sky goes completely dark.

"So- um, you're not angry?"

Alex rolls his eyes. "Should I be?"

"Please don't."

"Then I'm not. I actually find it kind of cute. I'm glad you did it."

"I was afraid you'd be angry because I can tell you're having trouble with the whole flute or drums thing. Sometimes I feel guilty because I feel like I put you through a lot of unnecessary stress."

Alex shakes his head. "I feel like this concert only has brought good things to my life. It has actually helped me realize that I definitely don't want to study flute. Music, yes, but not this. And now we're- you know." He doesn't know how to call Willie, so he goes with the first thing that crosses his mind. "Close friends."

Willie raises his eyebrows. "Close friends, huh?"

Alex laughs a little. "Yeah. Really, really close friends."

"I'm glad Shelby owed me a favor, then."

Then his mom starts calling him, and Alex groans, stands up and tells Willie he has to leave. Willie says goodbye with another quick kiss, and maybe they really should start thinking about becoming something other than _close friends._

**XI.**

He can tell something is wrong when he sees his mom is waiting for him in the front door.

Alex hurries over there, trying to look calm. But his mom takes one look at him and her eyes are so cold Alex feels like his whole body is freezing.

"Where were you?" She asks, in a clipped, angry tone. Alex swallows.

"With Willie," he answers. "We were practicing."

Her mom rolls her eyes.

"Don't lie to me."

"I'm not-"

"I talked to Helen today. She said you're not playing flute at the orchestra anymore."

Oh, Alex wants to kill Helen.

"Mom, that's not true. I still play flute, but I'm doing percussions too, it's not a big deal-"

"You've been lying to me, Alex! Julie's dad came earlier this afternoon. He brought this," she raises her hand, holding his hoodie. He doesn't even remember leaving it at Julie's, and he wants to _scream._ "Why were you at Julie's?"

"We're friends, mom. Can't we just- hang out?"

"Get in the house."

Alex walks behind his mom, feeling like he's about to _die._ His stomach is churning and his heart feels like it's stuck on his throat. He doesn't understand why she's mad, but he also knows there's no point in trying to calm her down. When his mom gets angry- it's not pretty.

"Sit," she orders, and Alex sits on the living room sofa. His hands start fidgeting, and he remembers Willie rubbing his arms when he's upset, so he does the same. It helps.

"Mom, I-"

"I feel like you don't understand how serious this is, Alex."

"It's not a big deal, I'm just, you know. Practicing with the band."

"You're losing your time, Alex! You're lying to me and you're putting your whole future at risk!"

"How am I risking something?"

His mom lets out an exasperated sigh, rubbing her eyes.

"I've been telling you this for _years,_ Alexander. If you want to be a musician, you have to commit. You have to practice and practice and keep practicing. There's no time for- friends or for losing your time with other instruments. You have a concert soon and you're goofing around with your friends. You know how irresponsible that is?"

She continues yelling for a while, repeating the same things again and again and _again_ and Alex is getting sick of it. This is what he hates, the fact that his mom's always treated him as some sort of perfect, committed kid who's willing to do everything she tells him to do. He's done.

"And if you want to do this professionally-"

"What if I don't want to?" He interrupts, in a burst of courage, his words leaving his mouth like an avalanche of mixed feelings and _anger_ he didn't know he was holding inside him.

His mom blinks.

"Excuse me?"

"What if I don't want to do this for the rest of my life? Mom, I don't- I don't want to be a flutist. I love music, I do, but I'm not- I don't want to study flute or go to a conservatory or play in orchestras or-"

"Stop joking."

"It's not a joke!"

His mom shakes her head. "You can't tell me this _now_! After all these years, after everything I've done for you. We had a _plan,_ Alex."

"No, _you_ had a plan!" He stands up, because he's feeling too many things and if he stays sitting, he's going to explode. "I've just been following it and I've realized I don't want this! And if I've been lying to you it's because I knew you wouldn't let me practice with the band-"

"Because you've got more important things to do!"

Alex wants to _scream._ He doesn't know how to explain, he didn't even mean to tell her everything like this. But it's happening, and now that he's started telling the truth, he doesn't feel like stopping.

"I don't! I was just doing something I enjoy. Why is that a bad thing?"

"I've put a lot of effort into giving you everything that you have. You have a private teacher and a good instrument and everything I'd wish for! Do you think that's not expensive?"

Okay, that's a low blow.

"I know that! I'm not saying I don't appreciate it or something, but- I'm tired of doing what you want!"

"So you're going to throw it all away?"

"No!"

"Stop acting as if you'd be doing this for _me!"_

"I _have!_ All my life, everything I've been able to think about is _you,_ and what you're going to say or what you're going to think of me or do. I've been trying to make you proud so hard, and you know how awful it's been? All I do is practice and practice and study because you want me to be perfect! And I'm not, mom. _I'm not!_

"Alex-"

"Do you know I haven't been able to sleep in _days_ because I'm afraid I'll fuck the concert up? There's something I want to do because I love doing it and I'm also scared to death of not being perfect! All I do is think about _you_ and your expectations and the fact that you seem to take my choices for me! I don't want to go to Europe either! But you acted as if it were already decided!"

"I'm doing what it's best for you." She replies, still cold and serious and angry.

Alex groans. "Well, it's not! I've been actually having fun for the first time in a long while and I was scared to tell you because I knew you wouldn't approve!"

"You've been lying to me! You've been telling me you were going somewhere you were not!"

"That's not my point, mom!"

His mom advances towards him, and Alex flinches a little. He doesn't like the disappointed look in her eyes, and he's about to apologize because this is what he was afraid of. Disappointment.

"I don't know what you want me to do."

"I want you to say it's okay! That I can choose what to do or not with my life and my music and let me make my own choices."

"You're wasting your talent away."

"I don't care!" He screams. He doesn't know if his dad or his sister are home, or if they're hearing them arguing, but he _doesn't care._ Not anymore. "I don't want to do that, and you should- support me or something."

"I've supported you your whole life!"

"Only in the things you wanted to!"

"Then do whatever the fuck you want!" Alex's pretty sure he's never heard his mom curse, and it scares him a little. "I don't care either!"

"Okay!"

And, because he's done and tired and he doesn't want to see his mom right now, he leaves. He's never done this, storm off after a discussion. He knows Luke does it a lot, whenever he's upset. But he's always been scared to hurt the feelings of the person he's walking away from, but this time he doesn't give a single _fuck._

"Alex!" His mom yells after him when he rushes towards the front door. "Don't you dare-"

But then he starts running, and he can't hear whatever his mom is screaming at him.

It's not until he's been running for fifteen minutes that he realizes that maybe this wasn't the best idea. It's around nine p.m., and he doesn't want to go home but he has nowhere to go. He thinks about going to the studio, but he kind of doesn't want to be alone.

So he ends up walking to Willie's. He's a little afraid Caleb will open the door when he rings the doorbell, but thankfully, when the light turns on, Willie shows up behind the door with a confused glance.

"Alex?" He asks, and maybe he's been hiding behind his anger because all he can feel now it's- sadness. Words can't seem to be able to leave his mouth as he launches himself at Willie, hugging him fiercely. "Woah," Willie lets out in a gasp, but immediately hugs back.

The stay like that for a while, and Alex is glad to have his body against him, comforting him. Then Willie lets go a little, making him walk inside the house.

"Do you want- um- to go to my room?"

Alex nods. There are tears burning in his eyes, and he doesn't want to cry because he likes to think that this fight with his mom doesn't deserve his tears. But he's always been the first to cry when something's upsetting him, so by the time they climb the stairs and he sits in Willie's bed, the tears are already falling helplessly down his face.

"Hey, what happened?" Willie's voice is soft and warm and makes Alex want to cry a little more.

"My mom found out I'm doing percussions too and she was not happy."

Willie frowns. "She can't be mad about _that,_ right?"

"You don't know her. But, um- I told her I don't want to study flute, and we fought. I've never yelled at my mom before. God, I feel awful."

"Don't feel bad. You were going to tell her anyway, right?" Alex nods. Willie's sitting by his side, rubbing his back. "At least the truth is out now."

"I guess," he shrugs.

"You're freaking out, right?" Willie says with a little smile. Alex sighs and lays his head against Willie's shoulder, because he can and he wants to. Willie passes his arm around his back.

Alex hums. "I don't know what's going to happen now. I think I've never done something to upset her."

"Well, do you want to play a little? I know that helps calming you down."

"Oh god, yes please."

They end up in the music room, Alex sitting behind the drum set, Willie by his side, tuning his cello.

"I'm not sure our instruments go well together," Alex says between a smile, playing with the drumsticks.

"We'll work something out," Willie winks at him.

"Caleb's not here, right?"

"Nope," Willie shakes his head and his hair covers his face. "You can be as loud as you want."

They play bad on purpose. It's fun and crazy and Alex hits the drums so hard the drumsticks break. Willie just laughs and hands him another pair. By the time they're tired and sweating and Willie's bow is full of loose bristles, he's kind of forgotten why he was so upset. The combined sound of the drums and the cello is weird and messy, the drums being so much louder than Willie's instrument, but he appreciates his effort to play as loud as he can, making weird faces and making Alex laugh.

"Did it help?"

Alex nods. He stands up and walks towards Willie, hugging him from behind. "Thank you."

Willie looks up at him. "You're welcome," he mutters before kissing him.

They walk to the kitchen, and Alex sits on the table and checks his phone. He has ten missed calls from his dad. "Shit," he mutters.

He doesn't want to go home. He doesn't feel like explaining himself or keep fighting or having to endure his mom's annoyance and disappointed looks. But he _has_ to, because he's always hated worrying his parents, and he can't just disappear, even if he wishes he could. If his dad also yells at him-

"You need to go home?" Willie's chin is resting against his shoulder, standing behind Alex.

"Yeah, it's late and my dad's called me like a thousand times."

Willie grabs his hand. "I'll walk you there, okay?"

They walk mostly in silence, holding hands. Alex tries to keep calm, and he ends up asking Willie a lot of dumb questions because he's discovered his voice calms him down. Willie talks about the new concert he's been playing and the song he's writing. He talks about the fact that he's decided he doesn't want to go to France either, but he's afraid of telling Caleb. Alex feels bad for him, because Caleb is a thousand times scarier than his mom.

He's always admired the way Willie _respects_ Caleb, but when something's important, he doesn't keep quiet. Alex should've done that a while ago.

They get to his house sooner than he'd want to, but there's no point in stalling.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Willie says, squeezing his hand a little. "We've got rehearsal with Oliver after the general rehearsal-"

"Oh god don't remind me."

Willie chuckles. "You'll do great. You always do."

His mom and dad are waiting for him in the living room, sitting on the couch. They're silent, and there's that familiar tension hanging in the air, an electric, uncomfortable feeling it's impossible not to notice that tells him they've been fighting.

"Hey," he lets out in a barely audible whisper.

His dad looks up quickly. "There you are," he says after a relieved sigh. "I was worried sick, Alexander."

"I'm sorry." Alex's voice is still a shaky thread.

"I talked to your mother," his dad starts, gesturing for him to come close. "We'll discuss about the future later, okay? Right now, I know you're under a lot of pressure, and we still have some time before you have to make a definitive choice, alright?"

Well, that's _something._

"Alright," he concedes. "We'll discuss it later or whatever."

"You're grounded," his mom calls coldly when he's climbing the stairs. "I'm taking you and picking you up from school. No going out except for orchestra rehearsals."

Alex is about to shrug because he's sick of fighting, but then he realizes something.

"Wait, mom, I've got this thing on Friday-"

"Too bad. You shouldn't have lied to me."

No, no, no no no _nonono._

"Dad," Alex begs, realizing his voice is shaking again. "I can't- I _need_ to go out this Friday. It's really important. I've been practicing for weeks, and the band needs me, I can't just-"

"You shouldn't have lied, then." His mom is raising her voice again, and his dad shoots her a look. Then he turns to look at him and he grimaces.

"Your mother's right. I don't care about the percussion thing, alright? But we found out you were going to a place we didn't give you permission to go. You're grounded."

Oh god he can't _breathe._

"Please," his eyes are filled with tears again, because he's worked so hard for the performance on Friday. The band's worked so fucking hard and they need this gig, they need this opportunity. But he just fucked it all up. "Please, _please,_ I'll do whatever, just let me play this once. Just this once," he finishes, his voice finally breaking.

His mom shakes her head.

"This is already decided. Now go to your room."

"Mom-"

"Go."

He climbs the stairs as fast as he can, because he doesn't want his parents to see him lose his shit.

He slams the door and lays on his bed, burying his face against his pillow, stifling a scream. He doesn't even know how he's going to explain this to his friends. He can imagine Reggie's sadness and Julie's disappointment and Luke's _anger._ Oh, Luke's going to be pissed. They were all so excited- god, _he_ was so excited. The number they've come up with is _good_ , it's fucking great, and now he won't get to perform it.

It may be stupid, but he cries himself to sleep.

**XII.**

He avoids his friends the next day in school. He goes late to the classes they share and leaves as fast as he can, and hides in the bathroom during their little breaks. He knows he's being immature, but he can't look them in the eyes and tell them he won't be able to play tomorrow evening.

Julie screams his name when she sees him in the hallway but he just starts walking faster, pretending he didn't hear anything.

At the orchestra rehearsal in the afternoon, though, he can't ignore them anymore. Julie's not there, because she just comes play when they need a pianist, but Reggie and Luke are, and as soon as his mom drops him off, they come up to him.

"Dude, why have you been ignoring us?" Luke asks, his arms crossed. Alex sighs.

"I don't- I have to tell you something."

And then Willie walks towards him, smiling like always. He stands beside him, passing an arm around his shoulders.

"Hey guys," he greets, and then turns to him. "You okay? How did things go yesterday?"

Reggie frowns. "What happened yesterday?"

Alex tells them as fast as he can, explaining the fight and the storming off. And then he tells them that he's grounded, and his voice breaks a little when he admits that he can't play tomorrow.

Luke shakes his head, chuckling coldly. "Dude, you _have_ to play. There's no way we aren't playing tomorrow."

Alex sighs. "I don't know what to do! She's been driving me everywhere. I tried talking to my dad, but he agrees with her. I'm so, so sorry. This is my fault."

Willie brings him closer to him. "It's not your fault."

Reggie nods. "Willie's right. Don't beat yourself up, dude."

"So now what do we do?"

"You could get another drummer?" Alex wonders, hopeful. "Maybe if you ask one of the percussion guys, maybe Ally is willing to cover for me or something."

"Dude," Luke rolls his eyes. "There's no way we're playing without you, okay?"

Alex wants to cry. "What, then?"

Luke purses his lips. The rest of the guys are already sitting and tuning their instruments, and Alex knows they don't have much time left to talk. Luke seems to sense that too, because he raises his hands.

"I'll come up with something, don't worry."

By the time they're done rehearsing, while Alex and Willie stay in the corner of the room waiting for everyone to leave so they can rehearse the trio, Luke and Reggie approach them and Luke explains his plan.

Alex's not sure about it.

"I've never sneaked out before," he says, feeling nervous already.

"They won't find out," Reggie encourages. "And if they do, what are they going to do? You're already grounded."

Well, Reggie has a point. He's never been in trouble before; he doesn't know how it could get _worse._

"Am I supposed to jump from the window or something?"

"You'll climb down, yeah."

"You expect me to run or something?" Luke rolls his eyes.

"No, someone will be waiting with a car, and then we'll drive you to Julie's, we'll rehearse, we'll play and then we'll drop you off at your house."

Alex rolls his eyes. "You can't drive," he reminds Luke. "You've failed the test like, four times. And Reggie's never driven a car before."

Reggie shakes his head. "They scare me."

"Okay," Luke admits, his expression falling. "You're right. We don't even have a car- maybe if I ask Julie's dad-"

"I can drive," Willie says. They all turn around to look at him at the same time.

"You- can?" Alex asks. Willie smiles.

"Of course I can. And I have a car. I don't use it, I've always preferred skateboarding but, I could help with that."

Luke jumps. "See? Problem fixed."

Alex can tell something's going to go wrong. But he agrees. It can't get worse, and he _needs_ to play tomorrow.

After the rehearsal with Willie and Oliver, his mom comes pick him up. Alex gets in the car and neither of them say a word. The rest of the day is like that. She hasn't spoken to him at all, and Alex's kind of hurt by that. It hurts more than the yelling and the anger. But whatever, he guesses.

The next day, Julie tells them that it's a _bad_ idea _,_ but she agrees to it too because she can hide it better than him, Luke and Reggie, but she's also crazy and loses her common sense when they're together.

The battle of the bands starts at eight thirty p.m., they're supposed to be there at eight, and they need to practice before that so Willie is supposed to go get him at six.

By five p.m., he's losing his mind. He sits on his bed, playing the flute, making sure everything's perfect for tomorrow. His parents are in their room and everything's quiet except for the sound of the TV he's convinced his sister to play as loud as possible, so his parents won't hear him sneaking out.

A couple of minutes before six, he hears someone going down the stairs, then a car engine roaring to life. He leans into his window and sees his mom's car leaving. Okay, that relaxes him a little. One less problem.

His phone starts ringing suddenly, and he jumps a little.

"Hey," he answers, standing up.

"Mr. Mercer, your chariot awaits you."

Alex laughs. "Coming down. Please catch me if I fall."

His window is small, but he still manages to sneak through it. He's standing on the ledge, trying to figure out a way to jump off safely when his dad knocks on his door.

"Fuck," he mutters. Willie's standing on their yard, looking like a deer caught in the lights.

"Alex?" His dad calls. "What do you want for dinner?"

"Um-" his voice must sound too far away or something, because his dad opens his door. Fuck his mom and her 'no locks on our doors' rule.

It must look awful, him standing on the ledge out of his window, about to jump out, and he's ready for the yelling and more anger and whatever, but his dad just sighs.

"I'm sorry?" he tries in a whisper. His dad rolls his eyes.

"If your mom finds out, I never saw you."

_What?_

"What?"

"Leave!"

"Wait, wait. You're letting me go?"

His dad nods. "Yeah, but don't say anything to your mom. She's being unfair."

"Thank you so much, dad, you have no idea-"

"Leave before you fall, Alex!"

"Oh right, okay. Alright. Bye."

He doesn't know how, but he manages to jump and land on the grass without falling. Willie looks at him, his eyes huge, asking him what happened. Alex laughs as he grabs his hand and makes him run towards the car.

They get in, and before Willie can say anything, Alex kisses him. He's ecstatic.

"Woah," Willie says, moving back. "Why was that?"

"He let me go," he mutters, still not believing it.

"Then maybe he shouldn't have left you jump down the window."

Willie's right. But he doesn't care.

"Drive, drive, drive!"

The night is a whirl of music and emotions and bright lights.

He gets to the studio and they practice with Willie watching and he doesn't even have time to process the fact that this is the first time Willie's hearing them play. They make sure they don't exceed the twelve-minute mark, make sure everything sounds perfect and looks perfect because they _need_ to win.

Julie's dad drives the instruments to the venue they're playing at. At least they're giving them a drum kit so they don't have to disarm everything. He, Willie, Reggie, Luke, Julie and Flynn go to the venue piled up in Willie's car, Flynn sitting on top of Julie. They sing loudly on their way, like they always do when they're trying to shake off their nerves.

The place is crowded, and Alex thinks he's never played drums in front of so many people. The backstage is full of instruments being tuned and voices warming up. The place smells a little weird and there's way too many people for such a small place, but he _loves_ it.

There're ten bands playing in total, and they're third to go in. Alex fidgets with the drumsticks while Luke and Reggie tune their instruments, playing a little. Julie's the calmest of them all, breathing with her eyes closed, making sure her hair is great.

Willie's by his side, staring at everything like an excited kid. "This so different than orchestra concerts."

Luke laughs. "The best of both worlds, baby," he says, singing a little.

"I get why you love this," Willie continues, staring at him. Alex shrugs.

"I love both. But, you know. Maybe I love this a little bit more."

Their turn comes up way faster than he'd expected. They call their name and Alex starts counting, because if the twelve-minute mark is up and they're still on stage, they'll be immediately disqualified. They've done this a thousand times, and their whole set takes eleven minutes and twenty seconds, in case something goes wrong.

Luckily, though, nothing goes wrong.

The music is loud and the ambiance is great. They play and Alex feels so goddam _alive_. He lets himself feel the music and he sings the harmonies even if he's never been one to sing before. The people cheer and clap and Julie _rocks_ it so bad.

The public screams and Alex can tell which one of them are record execs, and his heart goes crazy every time they finish a song and _they_ clap. When the set is over and they have to leave in _that_ moment because they need to be out of stage as fast as they can, he can hear Willie's cheers above every other noise.

It's great.

They hug and they laugh and they jump and they cheer because they did great, they can tell.

And the jury can tell too, because they win. Or, well, there's a tie, and they agree to split the price in half, but they _win_ anyway.

Three record execs come up to them, and Alex doesn't really know what they say because Flynn and Julie's dad are the ones who do the talking. He's too busy being lifted up by Luke and Reggie, like they always do when they're celebrating something, holding the thousand and five hundred dollars in his hand.

"We won!" He screams.

Reggie and Luke scream back, almost dropping him.

It's already eleven p.m., and he _needs_ to get home soon.

So he says bye to the boys quickly because they'll be seeing each other tomorrow for the general rehearsal and the orchestra concert, and leaves as fast as he can, grabbing Willie's hand all the time.

The living room lights are on, and Alex thinks that can't be a good sign.

"Wait," he tells Willie, realizing something. "How am I supposed to get in?"

"Oh," Willie says. "Shit, I hadn't thought about that. Maybe, um- climb back again?"

Alex snorts. "Do you honestly think I could climb to the second floor of my house?"

"Okay, maybe not."

Alex checks his phone, and realizes his dad has sent him a text that says to enter through the back door. Okay, he can do that. He sighs in relief.

"My dad's covering for me or something."

"Great. See you tomorrow, then."

"Shit, the concert's tomorrow," he realizes. Oh god, the trio is tomorrow and he's supposed to play in front of a lot of people with Willie and a professional pianist and he's not ready.

Willie kisses his cheek. "You'll do great. _We'll_ do great. You heard Caleb; we've got chemistry."

That makes him laugh a little. "Okay," he concedes.

"Perfect. I'll see you tomorrow."

He walks through the back door trying to remain as quiet as possible, and climbs the stairs praying that his mom won't hear him. When he gets to his room, he lays on his bed and _realizes._ He made it. He doesn't know how, but he made it.

He only has one concert left to go through.

**XIII.**

The next day is busy and even crazier than Friday. Alex feels like he's going throught he motions without even realizing it, like reading everything out of a movie script. He has breakfast and then he practices and then he goes to the last rehearsal, in the theatre.

He helps setting up the timps and the drums and the cymbals and then he makes sure everything's in order. They go through the whole thing twice, because Caleb is a perfectionist.

The trio is supposed to happen between the first and second halves of the concert, and when Caleb asks them to play the whole thing, he realizes that it's the first time he plays the concert in front of _people._ They've played in front of Caleb and in front of his mom and that's it. But now there's almost forty people watching them from the front rows of the theatre, and Alex is _scared._

But he has to play anyway, so he sits and he brings the flute to his lips and he tries to _focus._

There are four movements, and the whole concert lasts around twenty minutes. But they go surprisingly fast, and by the time he realizes that it's finally over, they're already out of the stage listening to Caleb's final corrections.

He says goodbye to his friends and then goes home and keeps practicing, because for some reason, playing is the only way he'll forget he's nervous. Then he takes the longest shower he can afford and puts on his suit.

His mom's still ignoring him, but he honestly doesn't care. It's weird not having her constantly talking to him, saying reassuring stuff. His dad's the one who ends up tying his tie, while Alex tries to look calm.

"Your mom knows," his dad tells him, and Alex swears his heart stops beating for way too long.

"About yesterday?"

"Yeah. She came and went to your room and saw you weren't there. She freaked out, so I had to tell her the truth."

"She didn't say anything to me."

His dad shrugs. "I told her I gave you permission to go, and now she's angry at me too."

"Oh," he says, because it's the only thing that comes to his mind. "Thanks, dad," he finishes. "I mean it."

"What was it? A concert?"

"A battle of the bands," Alex explains. "And we won. We also have a meeting with this girl and maybe we'll sign with a record company if we're lucky."

His dad whistles a little, finishing his tie. "That's great, kiddo. I'm proud of you."

Oh god, he hasn't heard that in a long time, now that he thinks about it. So he ends up hugging his dad, because he needs a hug and because he's thankful and because he likes the fact that at least one of his parents doesn't have any insane expectations to bury him under.

His dad drives his whole family to the concert hall. His mom still remains quiet, even when his little sister asks her why isn't she talking to Alex.

He walks to the back of the stage while his family goes sit down. Julie's there, with her dad and brother and aunt, and she gives him a huge hug before he leaves.

"You'll be great," she tells him. "I brought you flowers, but I'll give them to you when it's over."

Alex laughs. "Thanks, Jules."

"Good luck! You won't need it, though!"

Reggie and Luke are sitting together in the backstage. Luke's playing around with his trumpet and Reggie's applying rosin to his bow.

"There you are!" Luke yells when he sees him. "My favorite soloist."

Alex frowns. "It's not a solo."

Reggie smiles. "For us it is."

The minutes before a concert are always hard to describe. It's warming up and trying to beat nerves and playing the whole song in his head, making sure he's actually learnt it. It's people walking all over the place asking for music sheets and rosin and tuners and just being _lost._ It's way too much sound but also a deafening silence. It's a rush of adrenaline that you can't go without.

Alex is tuning and warming up when Willie scares him, running to him from behind.

"Shit," he curses, turning around, rolling his eyes. "Don't you have a more normal way to say hello?"

"Hello."

Willie's wearing a tailored suit, his hair tied into a bun. He looks really good, and Alex feels himself blushing because he shouldn't be thinking about this before a concert. But whatever, Willie just does that to him.

"Are you ready?" Willie asks, one eyebrow raised. Alex shakes his head.

"Not even a little. I'm terrified."

Willie nods. "Yeah, I'm scared too."

"Aren't you used to playing stuff like this all the time?" Alex asks, and Willie shrugs.

"Nervousness never leaves you, and that's a good thing. It means that you still enjoy what you're doing."

"Okay, then I'm enjoying this way too much."

Willie rolls his eyes. "Great. Now, do you have a minute?"

"Um-"

They're supposed to start playing in like, ten minutes, and he really should be warming up, but Willie's smiling and Alex can tell there's something he wants to tell him.

"Okay, perfect!" Willie doesn't wait for another answer, because he grabs his hand and makes him run through the backstage, trying to not hit anyone on their way out. It reminds Alex of the first time he went to Willie's house, and he made him run everywhere.

They end up on the stairs of the back of the theatre, near the back exit. There's no one around them, and it's kind of nice. Willie takes something out of his pocket.

"What-?"

"I wanted to give you this," he says, handing him a little rainbow bracelet. "As a good luck charm. I've got one too," he adds, raising his wrist.

"Willie-" he mutters, staring at the little present. God, how can he be so lucky? "I- thanks."

"I believe in you," Willie tells him, all serious, staring at him with his intense brown eyes, and Alex feels like he's melting.

"I believe in you too."

Willie ties the bracelet around his wrist and then they run towards the backstage as fast as they can, laughing, because they're about to be late.

The polite clapping sounds deafening as he takes his seat beside Shelby in the back of the stage. The first half of the concert goes by surprisingly slowly, songs he's known how to play for a long time now accompanied by the blinding lights and more clapping.

But then he's playing the last note of the last song before the trio, and he feels like he's about to die. He leaves the stage with the rest of the orchestra and stands beside Willie and Oliver as the staff takes the chairs out as fast as they can. Then they bring the piano closer to the front and someone brings two chairs, leaving them alone in the middle of the stage, and Alex is freaking out.

Willie takes his hand. "You're going to do great," he tells him, squeezing a little. Alex nods and tries to breathe.

And then someone's calling their names and they all walk in, slowly and calm, like they rehearsed. Alex tries to ignore the expectations he feels when the clapping starts. He takes a bow, realizing the theatre is _full, ohgodohgodohgod._

They all sit down and they tune their instruments one last time, and Alex realizes his fingers are trembling. Oliver looks at them from behind, asking them in a stare if they're ready to start. Willie shoots him a calming look and they all nod, and the piano starts playing and there's three seconds of absolute terror as Alex brings his flute to his mouth, counting the beats. Willie continues, and then it's Alex's turn, and _godgodgod._

But his sound comes out confident and concise and it's _good,_ so he relaxes a little as the first movement progresses. He plays and he plays and he plays and he actually enjoys himself, because he knows the song and because Willie smiles at him every time one of the movements is over. Suddenly they're in the final part, the hardest one, at least for him, but he's not scared anymore and it’s surprisingly easy to just let go.

And then the concert is over, almost two months and hundreds of hours of practice gone in a blink, in a painful second that feels like a fever dream. But there's clapping and he can hear Julie screaming his name even if she knows you're not supposed to do that in classical concerts.

They take a final bow and then they leave, and it's not until he's out of the stage he feels like he's about to _collapse._

"Oh my god," he mutters, and Willie places his hand on his back.

"Are you okay?"

He manages to nod. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I kind of- can't believe we did that. I can't believe _I_ did that."

Oliver laughs a little. "You kids are insanely talented. I look forward to play with you again."

Then Oliver leaves, and suddenly Luke and Reggie and Shelby and some other of his friends are there, surrounding them and congratulating them, and Alex appreciates it but he just needs to _breathe._

Willie seems to notice that because he walks them to the backstage, his hand still in his back. Luke and Reggie follow.

"Is something wrong?" Willie asks, sounding a little worried, when they've left the little crowd of people behind.

Alex shakes his head. "I'm fine, I just- it's been a long couple of weeks," he admits. "And we just played a concert together."

"Yeah, we did."

"I want you to be my boyfriend," he lets out, because in that moment the world doesn't seem as scary as always.

Willie chuckles. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah. I'll be your boyfriend."

And then they kiss, even if there are some people in the room too, staring confusedly at them. He doesn't care.

"Great."

"Wait, wait," Reggie says, raising his hands. "You guys weren't dating already?"

Alex laughs. Willie does too.

"We need to get back there," Luke reminds them. "The second half is about to start."

"Oh, fuck, right."

The second half of the concert goes even better than the first one, because he gets to do percussions in that one. And it's not that hard, and there's a huge difference between playing the drums in the band and playing timps in a classic music concert, but he still has fun, and all his leftover nerves leave him as he hits stuff on cue like only three times in a whole song.

And then the whole thing is done, and there's more clapping and then he's leaving, Reggie, Luke and Willie by his sides, talking excitedly. Caleb congratulates them just before they leave, and then he stares at Willie and then at Alex and then at Willie again and Alex can tell Caleb _knows_ , but he doesn't say anything.

His family and Julie's family are waiting for them in the front of the theatre. Luke's parents are there too and Alex saw Reggie's mom earlier. His sister hands him a bouquet of flowers and he hugs her and she laughs. Julie gives him a pink dahlia and Alex hugs her once more, and the he whispers the fact that he has a boyfriend now to her ear.

She screams a little and everyone looks at her, so she just clears her throat and smiles and says nothing.

"That was awesome," his dad hugs him, and Alex hugs back.

His mom takes one long look at him and surprisingly, she hugs him too.

"I may not say this a lot," she mutters against his ear. "But I'm proud of you."

"Thanks, mom."

"Now we go home," his mom breaks apart from the hug and her stare becomes cold again. "You're still grounded."

Alex sighs. "Right."

He says goodbye to his friends and then he hugs Willie one more time before leaving.

"Thank you," he tells him. "For making Shelby reject the part."

Willie laughs. "It was worth it."

And even if now he's grounded and exhausted and he still doesn't know exactly what he's going to do with his life and he has _a lot_ of choices to make and fights to get into, it was.

" _So_ worth it."

**XIV.**

Four months later, the choices have been made and the battles have been fought and everything's alright.

They've signed with a record company for an EP and a little summer tour, and even if the four of them spent the money of the prize in absurd stuff, it was great. The band is going great, and he's actually even written a song, his own song with no help from Reggie or Luke or Julie, and he's really proud of it. And okay, maybe Willie helped him a bit, but he doesn't count. Willie's his boyfriend, he's _supposed_ to help Alex.

He's decided to apply to Colburn School, like he had planned originally, because the three of them are staying in LA so they can keep seeing each other every day and keep the band going. It's great, he's excited, especially because he's decided to study percussions instead of flute. He'll still play, as a hobby, because after all, he loves playing flute, but he's ready to let go of that part of his life.

Willie still doesn't know where he's going. He's been thinking about Juilliard, and Alex is excited for him, especially after a lot of arguing, when Caleb agreed to let him decide. He knows he should be worried about the future of their relationship or whatever, but he's too busy living in the moment.

Willie still walks him to school every day, after taking a long walk on the beach. They drive a lot and they sing and they practice and Alex spends hours staring at Willie play the cello. It's still hypnotizing.

A lot of things happen in those four months.

Willie goes to every Julie and the Phantoms concert, and he's always the one who cheers the loudest. He meets Willie skater friends and they have fun and one afternoon he goes with Willie to a tattoo studio because his boyfriend has decided he wants a skateboard on his wrist.

Julie teaches him to ride a bike. They write a Christmas song. Willie almost forgets his cello on the bus. They kiss. A lot.

His mom is still kind of cold to him, but she's warming up to the idea of him not being a flutist. They had a heartfelt conversation in which Alex cried and his mom apologized and they're happier now. Both of them.

He stops taking classes with Helen, and he uses the free time to _sleep._ God, he had missed sleeping.

His parents buy him a drum kit for Christmas.

Caleb still scares him, but he also knows that he and his _son_ are dating, so he's kinder to him. Not _that_ kinder, but at least it's something.

One day they go the beach and Flynn plays music and Reggie makes a sand castle with Julie’s help and Willie surfs -how the hell does Willie know how to surf, Alex doesn't know- and they eat and make a bonfire and Luke plays the guitar and it's perfect.

Other days are not that perfect, but that's okay.

That day on the beach, though, as he lays on the sand in the middle of the night, Willie resting against his chest, he feels like he can _do_ everything, and that's pretty great.

Because there's always been _something_ about music, just like there's always been _something_ about Willie.

And he loves both things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaand we're done! This turned out way longer than I expected but whatever.  
> I hope y'all liked it, I struggled a lot with this story, but I just wanted to give Alex and Willie a happy ending but I also got into a mess and I had no idea how to end this lol.  
> Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if there are any inacurracies, I am in an orchestra but I don't play the flute or the cello and I'm just trying my best.  
> I took a lot from ideas from the headcanons that @allhailthesanders came up with on tumblr so credits to them!  
> The concert Willie and Alex are supposed to play together is by Weber, 'Flute Trio in G minor, Op 63', and if you want, you can listen to it [here](https://youtu.be/trIYz35DZjI)  
> As always, kudos and comments are highly appreaciated, english is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes, and you can find me on tumblr at @sunsetsandcurves


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